The door was always open.
September 14, 2007
I woke up this morning with a line in my head that hasn’t gone away. It’s like those songs you get stuck in your head and what releases them, I know not.
A lifetime of broken friendships
Why I’ll never know.
I gave up trying to understand
When you turned, seemingly
Without a look behind.
We were close - too close?
Did I imagine that or was I the only one
Deluding myself,
Were those empty
Words you spoke?
Was the closeness too scary?
Did you think any second thoughts?
Was it because I was too raw?
Hung on too tight?
Was it because you were too raw?
Apparently I haven’t given up
Trying to understand
Because I love you
For who you are even
When it hurts, when you hurt,
When it broke me.
You’re missing out
We miss out, together
When you close the doors.
Because I love
Honestly, purely, totally.
I give what I have without
Reservations
Expectations.
Passion drives me
Passion is the raw energy
That I’ve shared with you.
Nurturing those I love
is a natural occurance in my life.
I give it everything I have
But it’s never been enough
For you.
I’ll keep loving you.
Through the hard surfaces,
Through the doors you
Choose to close.
I’ve lived with integrity
Sincere compassion
And I keep the door open
I keep the space reserved
For you.
Thank you for taking the time and care to comment. Your visits honestly mean much more to than you might imagine. Jump in, comment anywhere on any of the posts. 
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September 14, 2007 at 10:52 am
“raw emotion which is not necessarily good for a blog but it’s what I know and am”
Ruby, raw emotion is good. It may scare people… it has scared me in the not so distant past and i am ashamed… i wish i could write what is really in my heart but i can’t let go. I’m afraid once the emotion is put into motion, i will fall apart.
Please keep writing.
Dawn, Please don’t be ashamed. We can learn from our fears and we can go on and deal with them once we know what they’re about. I have a feeling that if you let yourself you can start writing and it could be the start of letting go. I used to be afraid of the emotion in motion and the notion that I would fall apart and the whole world would break but I did in fact fall apart - several times and it was then that I was able to start putting myself back together and this time with the knowledge of why I felt the way I did and in doing so found tools for dealing with it. I know you have the passion in you and it’s not dangerous to let it out at times. I believe the danger may be in keeping it in.
Much love and peace to you today.
~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 11:13 am
Lovely words ruby, reaching out with raw emotion works for me.
If we don’t, then what do we have. And for me the answer is what happened to me the other night. And i haven’t got time anymore to not be at an emotional depth with others.
love the Edmund Dulac pic, such a wonderful artist.
PradaPixie, Thank you. I am not sure what we have if we keep that emotion in - a psychological mess it would be for me. I need that emotional depth. I want it all. (Thanks the the artist’s name - I need to get better about catching that stuff and marking it down. I love the pic too. Peace baby. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Raw emotion is positive to me, because if we keep those emotions within, they will fester, and cause more pain, both physical and emotional.
Peace to you…
Lorri, Welcome and thanks for stopping by. Thanks for the astute response as well…and you’re right about the pain. Peace and beauty to you today. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 4:15 pm
Oh, I just love that picture!!
Ya know what? Raw emotion proves you’re human. There are so any bloggers/people that I run across and I honestly wonder if they’re human. I think you are in good touch with your emotions and I quite like that!
I hope you have a good weekend and you are in my prayers.
Carrie, I love it too. Thank you for saying what I might be hesitant to say on some days. There are times my emotions overwhelm me but I try and go with it, ride it and I’ve always come through. (Hey, I’ve been trying to comment on your blog but find myself wordless sometimes. I have been visiting though. Sorry I’m how I am.) Have a beautiful weekend yourself. Peace. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 4:33 pm
I got goosebumps…
RM, Goosebumps?? I’m surprised. I don’t know where the writing came from but it was one of those fly-from-the-fingertips writings and - not my usual style at all. I think I’m changing! Peace today and thanks for the postcards, they’re beautiful. Love. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 5:54 pm
don’t know if you’ll go back to look at my comments on my site, so just wanted to say thank you for your words.
they are important, as you are to me.
love
pxx
Pix, I have come back and looked at comments - it’s the obsessive component of me - or one of them. You’re important to me too and I’m so glad we’ve gone where we have and come through to here and now. Love. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 6:17 pm
Oh Ruby, I wish I could come to your door with my muffins and your tea. I would give you a hug, and we would sit. Look out the window, and talk if you needed to.
M
Martha, I wish you could too! I want those damn muffins and the hugs and the talk - I want it all. Peace, love and muffins. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 7:35 pm
ya know, I have masked my emotions for so many years, it is hard for me to identify exactly what it is that I am feeling. I love the fact that you know yourself and can express how you feel. I can’t express myself well in type, and I am greatful that other people have the gift to do so. Thanks, for being honest, and for speaking from the heart, and for being you.
GinnyDollie, It’s going to come if you keep looking. I know it will and as always, I’ve got faith in you. I miss you and thank you for being you as well. Much love and HUGS. ~ RS ~
September 14, 2007 at 10:12 pm
This was beautiful, Ruby.
As you know, this is something that comes up again and again for me. And it always seems like there is this contradiction - we should be who we are, and not worry about the people who can’t accept that, yet we’re driven to try to be part of a community. And to accomplish that often feels like it requires a certain amount of conformity or a muffling of our raw thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I always feel like I’m trying to find that balance. I can say it doesn’t matter what others think, but I know it isn’t completely true.
Deb, Thank you. If we can’t be us, who can we be? I wonder about the being driven to be part of a community - I know no man (or woman) is an island but I feel it lots of days. And conform? Never! That’s why I tend to be on the fringe but - so be it. Much love and let’s see if we can work on a post about what we had discussed - I want to use some of your words actually….I almost feel like doing a series! Peace. ~ RS ~
September 15, 2007 at 1:33 am
RS, I was also drawn to the pic you selected; it’s amazing. As for the poem, it’s wonderful. I’ve had that same experience where I’m left with a gaping hole, scratching my head wondering how someone can just “up and leave”. I’m wondering, is this something fresh, that has just happened to you, or are you recounting a painful memory from the past? I am just curious. Ruby, I also wish we could sit and have a cup! Love, ~Bella
BellaLove, And here I thought I was the only one! Something fresh or recounting? Hard to say really. It’s happened several times just in this year (which I’ve been trying to post about but it just hasn’t come yet because I tend to get caught up in back-details) but it’s also something that has happened over and over in my lifetime with people I had considered very close friends as well. I’ve found myself , it’s embarassing to say really, rather friendless and it’s not because I’m an ogre, really, I’m a nice, decent, honest, loyal, loving, smart person! I don’t know what the problem is but like Dave says, it sucks potatoes! Peace today. ~ RS ~
September 15, 2007 at 10:21 am
Ruby,
“fly-from-the-fingertips” writing virtually always leads to masterpieces such as you’ve posted in this thread. It is raw, wonderful and, most of all, real. It feels like you’ve given a piece of yourself to us. Keep on keepin’ on.
Peace!
R.
R., “Masterpieces”? You poor deluded soul - I love you for it though. You keep on too. I need you. Peace always. ~ RS ~
September 15, 2007 at 10:26 am
Makes me think about what I’m currently going through on the dissolving marriage front . . .
Coming to accept that what once was shall never again be . . .
I’m listening to a beautiful rendition of a song called “Looks Like Rain” by the Grateful Dead from a 9-22-92 Boston Garden show . . .
Go to “http://www.archive.org/details/
gd91-09-22.sbd.fishman.17180.sbeok.shnf” if you want to hear it . . .
So sweet, so heartbreaking, so healing, all at the same time . . .
OS, Sorry for the reminder - hurts, I know. That’s a great rendition indeed . Thanks, love. ~ RS ~
September 15, 2007 at 10:48 am
Hi Ruby!! (This is my new thing. I often don’t have anything to say, and in the past I would just leave things blank… but, now, not all the time, but more often, I am simply going to say “Hi” just to let people know that I am still here.)
Craig, Thanks and “Hi” to you too. Peace and glad you’re still here - or there - Love. ~ RS ~
September 15, 2007 at 1:59 pm
Hello Ruby - I have never been to your site, but stumbled upon it quite by accident - or maybe not. Who’s to say…
Anyway, I just felt the need to leave you a note about your poem. You captured my own emotions so eloquently I was moved. I am going through a very similar situation (friend wise - not cancer wise) and wanted to just say you are not alone. I find it heartwarming to know that someone else is feeling the same emotional struggles. So, thank you for sharing. You are a special person!
TodayIsANewDay, Welcome - I’m glad you stumbled on by. I am not sure about accidents. I’m so glad you were moved and I’m sorry about the friend thing - it’s never easy. Hope to see you again if I can come up with anything more to write - some days it works - some days not. Peace and love. ~ RS ~
September 15, 2007 at 8:14 pm
There are pieces of my heart scattered with those who’ve come and gone from my life.
They have a piece of me, and I of them.
Patchwork hearts.
Quilted with time.
((((((((((RubyShooz))))))))))))
Mel, Is your name really Janis? If so, can I have your autograph? I love you. (Glad you liked the water - I’m trying to find some audio for that.) Peace and HUGS. ~ RS ~
September 16, 2007 at 7:55 am
Ruby, not really much I can add beyond what has already been said. I am with Jersey Guy, a master piece.
Hope all is well my friend
Bill, Thank you. It truly warms my heart to see you - every time I see your name here. I hope that we can both visit more often. I know you are going through the storms that life brings and I sincerely hope that you are faring the storms with peace in your heart. Hugs for you and Vi. ~ RS ~
September 16, 2007 at 10:35 am
Beauty in the midst of sorrow. Thanks for sharing it Ruby.
V-, Thanks for coming, I care about you. Peace and beauty to you today. ~ RS ~
September 17, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Yay! You’re back! I’ve been working (for several days now) on an answer on my own blog to the question you posed about why people have weblogs. Good question that required a lot of thought on my part.
Whether you continue on with your blog, know I’m always a keystroke away at my email address. Checking back when I’m feeling a little better.
Love you, my friend
Ggirl-friend , (smiling here) I never really left - just really needed time to re-think and stock up the spirit some. I’ll look forward to hearing your answer iffen you get a roundtoit. (I’ve got one around here somewhere. ) I will write soon but need rest too. Hope it’s a tiny bit better today. Peace and keystrokes. ~ RS ~
September 17, 2007 at 3:45 pm
I love you and will ever do
Frank/Fred, I love you too. Please don’t go away. You can face this. Peace today. ~ RS ~
May 9, 2008 at 3:55 am
[...] http://rubyshooz.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/the-door-was-always-open/ [...]
May 10, 2008 at 4:22 am
just give it eh? by giving something, anything away, it empties the pockets that they might recieve new things to give, this is ebb and flow,
Peace
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