Love is action in relationships
October 25, 2007
“Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much perfoms much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” - Vincent Van Gogh
“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” - Alexander Smith
We all want to feel unconditional love and compassion both in ourselves and from others. Even those tough people with rough exteriors who try and shrug this feeling off want it too and they can have it - are worthy and deserving of it - as are we all. Love is so fragile and people are so fragile - we need to be nurtured with care and respect.
Some people (yes, like me) wonder how we can break through someone’s defenses and make it known that we love them, we care for them, we want the best for them. Love can be broken but it can be fixed too in many cases.
If we can show that love and compassion we have for that person and they can feel it, know it, absorb it then we are on the road to a beautiful, meaningful relationship where we can both feel cared about, respected and welcome in the others’ life.
If we can’t say something so that the other person feels good when they hear it, it’s better to just keep quiet and continue loving them.. It’s not meant to hurt someone, it’s meant to keep from falling back into mutual hurting and possible lashing out - perhaps by both parties.
Hopefully we can take the time to work out how we can approach and meet the other person/people in more loving ways and attitudes so that our true feelings come out in kind and caring ways instead of aggressive flailings that might happen when/if we don’t know how to respond or act when confused by the other(s).
Honestly, what can we do?
1. We can let go of the hurts of the past; the unpleasant thoughts of not getting what we need and concentrate on positive thoughts and feelings and begin to live with nurturing intent. Love that has been hurt can be healed if we have the faith and commitment to keep working with the other person/people.
2. We can try to look at things from a different perspective - we can try to see how it might look from another side, we can try and see it through the other person’s eyes. We can stop doing those things we know will rile the other person - even if we know our intentions were good - they might not and they might misunderstand. We can try to understand that other people are human beings with failings, problems, issues and all the things that we all experience on our journey.
3. We can be honest and speak our truth but not with brutal honesty. We can use honesty tempered with love, with that compassion and make it known that we truly do care for others. If we have to say something that might be seen as hurtful we can first explain why we feel a need to say it and make it known that it’s said out of love. (I think this is where I’ve gone very wrong at times and perhaps it is too far gone to make it right but I do keep hoping sincerely that the hurts that have happened can be overcome and can help to build a stronger, more loving relationship.)
4. We can state and explain our fears since they are part of our truth. I think we all fear being hurt, misunderstood, abandoned, rejected, not a “part of” or just plain silly. If we can get across how we have these fears, others might be able to help us through them so that we can be closer - which is what we’re working for ultimately.
5. We can try and discover what has worked in our relationship(s) and focus on the things that do work instead of the things that don’t. Perhaps even asking why someone felt hurt by us, rejected or attacked or misunderstood is one way to get through. Understanding, comprehension. Maybe we can ask them what it is that we could have said in a different way that might have seemed more caring to them - maybe those are keys to unlocking the doors that have been slammed shut in a relationship. Maybe those doors can be flung wide open once again - I personally live in hope and even prayer that this is true.
6. When this doesn’t work anymore, we might see that we’ve (both?) gone back to our old ways of interacting with each other. If that happens, we can first make it clear that we are truly sorry and then we can take action to do our best to ensure it doesn’t happen again. We are humans though and if we can both remember that and we are committed to making our relationship(s) work, we can work once again to get that loving, caring, compassionate atmosphere back again. Recognizing each others’ human-ness is so important in working towards the love we can show and feel for each other.
7. We can remember that we all deserve second chances when it comes to loving our friends - second, third, fourth - however many is necessary to make it work. We are worth it if we truly give it all we have we can make our relationships strong and lasting.
The bottom line is that we act with love, respect, kindness and with true care and concern for another persons’ feelings and ultimately for their inner sense of being cared for in the ways that they need.
I’m not implying that we act as a doormats here, I’m saying that if we both truly want to have a true relationship, one that lasts and is worth working for, we do have the power of love that works - every single time if that is indeed what we (both) desire.
Real true love is not just a decision, it’s in acting on that decision and accepting someone how they are, for who they are and in whatever place they are. It’s in this acting on this decision of both parties that real love can grow and blossom into something real and tangible.
Namaste.
“I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace, When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One.”
Thank you for taking the time and care to comment. Your visits honestly mean much more to than you might imagine. Jump in, comment anywhere on any of the posts. 
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October 25, 2007 at 9:13 am
a very honest and beautifull peice of post.worth reading and practising.
October 25, 2007 at 9:15 am
@ — > Fighter Jet, Welcome (San?) Thank you. Peace and love to you today.
October 25, 2007 at 10:12 am
I’ve battled with the Love lesson for a very long time. I have had many interpretations of Love however they never quite seemed to fit with who I am and my interpretation of life. It wasn’t until a few months ago when all the pieces finally fit into one image that I can live with for the rest of my life.
Loving unconditionally is very easily said, but I think it is one of those life long journeys. I may finally understand the concept, but like breathing, I need to keep doing it day in and day out. Unlike breathing, it is something that I need to remind myself to do. Although, based on my limited experience, one does get better at it and with time it becomes part of who we are.
The first step is always to recognise.
Thank you for sharing R.
October 25, 2007 at 10:43 am
Hey Ruby (I hope you don’t mind my calling you this)!
Thank you so much for dropping by my blog, it was a true pleasure to read your comment! About being short…who isn’t lol (yes, guilty)?
You are right, we all want to be loved, and feel compassion, and be compassioned (at least all non-excentric people)!
Honesty and bluntness applied with love and generosity makes things more simpler. If one is totally honest without love/generosity, one may end up by hurting someone; whereas if one makes use of love/generosity the recipient of our message will feel that he/she might learn something…
Fear itself is a great obstacle to life. Fear is our main enemy! Sometimes we allow our fears take over our ideas, plans, feelings…and we end up stuck *nodding*! It’s a mystery of human condition.
I shall be back :)!
Cheers
October 25, 2007 at 10:44 am
Thank you for this Ruby. Admittedly, I’m one of those strange people that has MUCH love to give, but I am very poor at receiving it. When I do receive love, I shy away from it repeatedly because I am afraid of being hurt. This sets off a martyr like syndrome within me. I know that “I am love and deserve love”, but I just don’t know if I have every really {truly} at the core of my being, ever felt that from anyone other than my own mum.
I have wonderful self-esteem too, so perhaps this is a paradigm of mistrust (or an allusion) that I have created to avoid intimacy and committment (I don’t know). However, I do know this - I no longer stay in relationships where love is not reciprocated (ie. co-dependant ones - because they are not healthy, because, no matter how hard it is for the “other” person to say they “love” you or they care, it needs to be said and felt by both parties).
Life is too short to hold back one’s feelings. We need to share courageously, with respect and dignity [but, like you said, we need to feel comfortable in doing so - knowing that we can share and be respected].
Thank you for sharing with us Ruby. Much love to you. xoxo
October 25, 2007 at 11:04 am
I try not to judge others and to look at them for who and what they are. My love for my children and grandchildren is unconditional, and always has been. I will love them through the positives and the negatives, and I accept them for who they are and what they are, at any given stage of their lives.
I show my feelings towards others, because I feel life is too short not to. We never know when we will leave this earth, or when they will.
I could go on and on aobut this subject…but I would end up writing a book, and I don’t want to disrupt your blog. LOL
Love, Hugs, Peace..
October 25, 2007 at 11:36 am
I have love in my life and at times have lost love life everyone else. I think sometimes we put too much trust into people (no, I don’t have trust issues). I just mean that in the end we will get hurt break up, growing apart, kids leave the home, people die. I think our expectation is that we will never get hurt and that’s not possible with human love. We can only trust God for perfect love and we will see glimmers of his love in other people.
Debbie aka The Real World Martha
October 25, 2007 at 12:12 pm
[...] or Inhaled… Ruby’s post this morning has given me much food for thought today. I have been meaning to write about the subject of Love [...]
October 25, 2007 at 3:21 pm
love grows
we grow
love changes
we change
wonderful post (((ruby)))
October 25, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Love is the essence of our spirt. Love is strong, more powerful then any other force. The fragil love is that of the ego, our ego is shallow and easily broken.
You are so right in what you express about love and how by applying the suggestions that you provided, one can always live in love! Love unconditionaly and make this world a better place.
October 25, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Hi Ruby,
(I agree with the wise Max)
“The bottom line is that we act with love, respect, kindness and with true care and concern for another persons’ feelings and ultimately for their inner sense of being cared for in the ways that they need.”
So true.
Love is a catalyst. We can make it whatever we want. It effects us in direct proportion to our expectations and emotions. And when we find that someone who shares our whilwind of passion, life is a blissful existence.
October 25, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Thanks for that lovely & also very practical post on what we can all do in the real world to show the love. It’s freeing to remember that we’re all just doing our best & that yes, Mr. Lennon, sometimes Love is all we need!
You’re the best!!
October 25, 2007 at 5:22 pm
I thought about this all day, and in the end I kept coming back to the way it was described to me once - it is like we have a bucket for each of our relationships, and the other people have buckets as well. When we do something that supports them, reaffirms our relationship, shows our love, etc, we are putting something into those buckets. When we do something that disappoints them, or when we ask a lot of them, a little comes out. And so if we nurture our relationships, when we go through times that leave us with little to give but needing to ask a lot of others, we’ve built up that bucketfull. There is a natural ebb and flow to relationships, but we can go to far.
Maybe I don’t really believe it is ever unconditional in that sense, it just sounds like it could be completely one-sided when it is described that way, and that doesn’t sound like love to me. We have to give to receive, and receive to give.
It just might not always look the way we expect it to.
At least, that’s how I see it!
October 25, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Ruby Ruby: what a lovely and affirming post. Why am I not surprised? I think it is more that we as humans have not gathered to find the pure and simple answers-wait, did I actually write that? Because it seems like you as well as some others in the ever increasing circle do exactly that. Peace unto you.
October 25, 2007 at 6:52 pm
@ — > Spasmicallyperfect, Always nice to see you. Isn’t it nice when the pieces start to come together (like a puzzle) and we can start seeing what the bigger picture might hold? — You’re right, loving unconditionally surely is a life journey and I know it’s alot easier said than done. Of course I’ve struggled with this at times during my life as I presume many do. I have always said that love is a decision but I’m seeing it now very clearly that it’s much more than a mere decision - it’s a decision we act on each day (if we’re committed) and yes, does become a part of who we are if we work at it. Thank you too for sharing - I honestly do appreciate it. Peace.
@ — > Max, Welcome. Thanks so much for stopping by and for your input. You said: “if one makes use of love/generosity the recipient of our message will feel that he/she might learn something…” I say *hopefully* depending on who they are etc. I agree with what you’ve said about fear - it sure is the main ingredient in many/most of our problems. Please do come back and I will too. Cheers Max.
@ — > Poseiden Muse, You’re welcome. Maybe it’s not so strange. I know many folks who are afraid of beng hurt and it’s understandable. I’m not sure what to say about your self-analysis so I won’t say a thing, that’s up to you, eh? Much love to you my friend. xoxo
@ — > Lorri, I feel the same way about my family - husband, kids, etc. I do try not to judge others but there are times when it’s a necessary part of life depending on the situation. Life is indeed too short and this is so clear to me - has been for a long time now. Never feel like you’re “disrupting” my weblog though. You know the long comments are welcome and I encourage discussion. Love, hugs, peace.
@ — > Realworldmartha, Welcome. Glad to see you here. Maybe we put too much trust in people - I’m not sure. I am pretty sure I need to keep trusting people or it’s not much of a life if I never take risks but I have some problems with expecting too much at times I think. Nice to meet you Debbie, thanks for stopping by and thank you for your input. Peace to you today.
@ — > The Mermaid Tavern, Thanks for thinking today. I’ll have to come and see what it is you may have inhaled or injected! Love today!
@ — > Karoline, Hi! Nice input today ((((Karoline))))) Always glad to see you, peace.
@ — > ToBeMe, Living in love, unconditionally - wow, what a great thought. Peace and love today Mark.
@ — > Alexys, Max is wise indeed. Maybe I hadn’t considered what you said: “It effects us in direct proportion to our expectations and emotions.” I’m going to have to think about that and let it sink in. Thank you for your input. Peace and love today.
@ — > UrbanPixie, You’re the best as well my friend. Much peace and love to you today.
@ — > Deb, You had to think all day about this - I wonder if you were having a hard time thinking of what to say? Be honest. I believe there are many kinds of love as we go through life and the idea of buckets - is an interesting analogy and true as well. Much love to you today Deb and thank you for your input as well, always much appreciated. Peace.
@ — > SurfaceEarth, I think we *try* to find the “pure and simple answers” but they’re not that easy to find at times. As human beings we tend to complicate anything eh? Peace to you today as well and thank you!
Love to all. Thank you all.
October 25, 2007 at 9:03 pm
I’ve learned that you can love a person but you still may have to let them go. I have a sister who hasn’t spoken to me since the death of our mother. No matter how hard I tried she rejected my offers of reconciliation. I wanted respect and equality, she wanted control. In the end, I made the decision to love her, but from a distance. It’s sad.
Beautiful post Ruby
October 25, 2007 at 9:08 pm
You’re speaking my language, Ruby ShooZ.
We should cherish that which we hold dearest, and never let it go lightly, but still do so if we must.
If we can’t let go of love that wants to be set free, then it is not love, but something a bit more selfish. If love is true, it will come back to you. It sounds trite, but it is so very true.
Peace as well as love, you great free spirit.
October 25, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Isn’t Love something like Faith?
October 25, 2007 at 9:24 pm
@ — > Dawn, Yeah boy I’ve had to let lots go and lots have just … gone. I’m so sorry about your sister - it’s horrible when families split like that at a time when we really need them. I’ve had similar issues sorta but it worked out differently. Keep hope! Much love Dawn.
@ — > Eric, Hi! So glad I am. You speak it so much better than I though - you’re a real poet. I wondered though if people reading would get that I wasn’t necessarily speaking of romantic type love but all love. ..like loving our friends or the people we work with or the person walking down the street or in line or whatever…I meant to point that out in the post but forgot. Peace and love to you today Eric. Thanks for brightening up my day some.
@ — > Craig, You tell me…It’s like alot of things in my thoughts and head. Peace and love today Craig. Sorry I’ve been missing you lately…I’ve been striving to keep up and falling -falling!
October 26, 2007 at 2:35 am
lovely. for me, the feeling of love is mroe important (sometimes) than the object of love itself. probably also explains why in my bummy case, the object changes, and quite frequently so
October 26, 2007 at 3:13 am
Hi!!
I am glad to have found your good blog!! Will surely drop by often. Hope to see you around..
October 26, 2007 at 3:54 am
i have always searched for Real love in the inner silence and i ‘ve always found it. then i met the Mother of all the mothers and thru her teachings i understood that it was healthy to do that, that the Tao energy exists and it is indeed this living force we touch into the Inner Silence. We feel love between one another, nurturing love, whenever we are connected to this force together. Cheers for your posting!
October 26, 2007 at 7:44 am
What a very wise post. It reminds me of something I’ve heard from several sources. When you’re talking to someone, always ask yourself these questions. Is it truthful? Is it helpful? Is it kind?
Love you, my wise friend.
October 26, 2007 at 8:04 am
Awesome! So REAL and so positive. I’m soooo glad I make time to visit your blog.
October 26, 2007 at 8:44 am
@ — > Dharmabum, I like the way you put that. I’m glad to see that you understand that I meant more than romantic sort of love. (Some day I wish you’d explain “bum” to me) Peace today my friend.
@ — > Radha, Welcome! You’re right, it’s right there, inside us. Thanks so much for your input here. Cheers and hope to see you again.
@ — > WaterLearner, Welcome. Thank you for stopping by. I’m sure I’ll be by yours often as well. (I hope so anyway.) Peace!
@ — > Ggirl, Those are good things to remember and I can do with that reminder actually. The words flew off the fingers for this post. Love you too my ggirlie.
@ — > CuriousC, Welcome back. Thank you, I’m glad you found it positive. I’m glad you visit too and that you stopped lurking. Peace to you today.
October 26, 2007 at 10:48 am
Ruby, for me it is… both love and faith is finding balance with something in your life. The difference is, however, that love is finding balance with something tangible while faith is finding balance with someone only believed.
Have a nice day!! C
October 26, 2007 at 12:22 pm
Beautiful post.
October 26, 2007 at 1:42 pm
This is a beautiful post.
One of the things I find so interesting about ‘unconditinal’ love, is that we must run smack into a bunch of ‘conditions’ in order to practice it. It’s easy to love those that love us back. It’s easy to love those that are always supportive and affirming - say, my best girlfriends. On the other hand, it’s not easy when you’re faced with a contrary peer in the workplace, that you have to deal with day in and day out. It’s not easy to love ‘unconditionally’ a neighbord who is chronically inconsiderate, or a spouse with anger issues or some behavior that pops up regularly.
For myself it has been true that in my quest for more patience and a more loving nature - I have regularly and frequently been sent opportunities to USE just those things
Like a muscle, they build bigger and stronger over time, so that Love in Action - vs. Love in Worlds - becomes easier.
Namaste, Ruby
October 26, 2007 at 8:05 pm
This is one of the most beautiful ane meaningful pieces of writing that I have come across that makes sense to me. Thank you for this. I’ve sent you the moon picture that I wanted to send you when I made a mistake and sent you the sun…
Love and lightness and that long awaited hug.
(((((((((Mrs.Ruby Shoes.)))))))))
October 26, 2007 at 9:39 pm
@ — > CraigAndrew, Thank you for the clarification and hey, I like the way you put things. You have a nice day too Craig.
@ — > Lady Luck, Welcome. Thanks so much, nice to see you. Peace to you today. Hoping to see you again.
@ — > Grace, Aw thanks. You’ve got me thinking and yeah, it can be hard at times loving those sorts of people but still, I dunno, they are our fellow human beings and just as screwy as we are and oftentimes moreso … I have found that I can forgive some of the most unlovable people under the most difficult circumstances.
Sometimes loving someone does mean walking away.
Something: One of the most difficult people, someone I disliked for oh-so-many reasons … I decided I was going to accept her, care for her and love her damnit so I embraced her in every way and we did wind up being closer than I ever could have imagined. Yes, I realize that probably might be a hugely different situation that many, but it worked. I could love her completely - even when she drove me totally crazy. Your last paragraph is right on.
Namaste Grace.
@ — > Di, Welcome my friend. I’m extremely glad to see you. I’m sincerely touched that you read the writing I posted and I want you to know that it is one that I didn’t have to think about, I didn’t have to search for something to write about, I was in the middle of a bunch of other things at once but suddenly those words just flew from my fingers and my heart.
I’m thankful that this post has gotten through to you (I think) in the spirit it was intended. Thank you for coming by and I’ll be looking for the moon.
Much love and peace and many hugs to my friend ((((((((((((( Di )))))))))))))))
Peace, love, understanding and thank you to you all.
~ RS ~
November 4, 2007 at 9:38 am
I had two cups of coffee while reading this one! Had to read it several times for most of it to sink in. Good stuff here stiletto heels! I appreciate the article!
November 4, 2007 at 10:58 pm
@ — > Hawk, Hi there, nice to see you. Glad to enjoy some coffee with you and I am glad you think this here is “good stuff”. Much appreciated, take care, peace.
May 9, 2008 at 3:41 am
[...] http://rubyshooz.wordpress.com/2007/10/25/love-is-action-in-relationships/ [...]
May 10, 2008 at 4:18 am
Darling you have so eloquently sated here that the door to love is forgiveness.
peace
mark