Look Ma, no cancer?
February 6, 2008
You may or may not care to read this but here it is. I’ve struggled for months to write this and I’m not sure why it’s been such a struggle - perhaps because it’s so inconclusive. This past week every single day I’ve awakened, gotten my steaming cup of hot, black coffee, meditated for a few minutes then sat down at the computer to write this and finally get it out. What has actually happened is I’ve done anything *but* write it and got lost in internet-space.
The reason I started this blog was because I had just come to the end of a fairly hard struggle with something and I thought I was going to be writing about; This great new adventure of a new life I was going to be living w/o having to do what I had felt I was chained to for the past several years. I thought I was free and I was excited to share and explore it with others - so I started the blog. Within a week or two - my world exploded when I was told I had breast cancer.
At that point I was blogging because it seemed the easiest way to share the latest news that was coming fast - I had a mammogram, then ultrasound, then appointment with surgeon who did an “excisional biopsy” to take out a suspicious lump. When I awoke he told me that it was indeed malignant cancer and that given where it was they would have to do a radical mastectomy - which I refused. Most women just blindly do whatever the doctors reccommend *I think* but I’m not one of them. For me, I thought - Let it be was my best course of action. No “treatment” for breast cancer.
Much of the following is actually parts of a letter that I wrote to someone that I felt needed to hear it first because I’ve had a feeling it might hurt some people somehow because of our different circumstances. I didn’t want our relationship to change. I just don’t want to hurt anyone.
In October I had a PET/CT scan and I mentioned it on the blog. No one ever really asked what the results were and I didn’t really say. The first one (PET/CT scan) I had in May I think, was a couple of pages and I posted the results of that on the blog. The reason I never posted the results of the second scan is as follows:
The results of this second one were on one piece of paper. (unlike the first one which was about two or three pages and had much more information than this latest one) I had the second scan at a different facility, ordered by a different doctor. (that is just part of the “backstory” that helps to explain the whys) My current oncologist said the differences were because both of the doctors ordered different things to be looked at.
The results came back like this:
IMPRESSION: There is no evidence of reoccurance on this study.
I was more shocked to read that than I was when they told me I had breast cancer. I called the doctor’s office and asked them what that meant. The nurse just read it to me. I asked what it meant and she didn’t really have any further explanation. At that point I decided I would write to both my oncologist and primary care doctors and started writing a letter several times but I was just really in shock. I had an appointment with my PC doctor in a few weeks and time passed so I decided I would just wait and ask her. When I did ask, she said that her father, my oncologist, would know better than she what it meant. I left there still as confused as when I entered.
A week or two later when we went to the pain management clinic and the physician’s assistant who had worked in an oncologist’s office for about 20 years I think explained to us that sometimes cancer can just “wall itself off” and just stay put (at least for some time) and she said that was actually good news. We left there still confused but a bit more informed.
In January we went to the oncologist’s office and he said the same thing. I asked him if that means I still have cancer or what. He basically said the same thing over again that the physician’s assistant at the pain management clinic said. So I guess for now I’m in “remission” - but I’m not sure if that’s what that really means. No one has said the words “remission” or “gone” yet so I’m left sort of hanging. The oncologist did say though that since the PET scan couldn’t “see” it, it must be pretty walled off but could start invading again. I guess now I’m in a holding pattern.
I can still feel the pain, I can still feel right where it is inside me so I know it’s not gone and I cannot just jump for joy about this news. I’m still scared and I’m trying to stay focused on the positive. I haven’t written on the blog because I just didn’t know what to say, how to say it or what happens next.
So there. It’s all I’ve got for now.
Peace, love and understanding.
Thank you for taking the time and care to comment. Your visits honestly mean much more to than you might imagine. Jump in, comment anywhere on any of the posts. 
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February 6, 2008 at 11:40 am
I found your site on google blog search and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. Just added your RSS feed to my feed reader. Look forward to reading more from you.
- Sue.
February 6, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Wow - that sounds like good news to me! I have heard of that happening before. To me, “walling itself off” sounds like your body is doing what it can to protect itself. Of course, I totally understand your feelings on still being scared. That is a healthy fear and it could return, but that is true with any cancer. I would suggest breathing a little sigh of relief for now and allowing that “peace of mind” to help you continue to do things that will keep your body strong and in good shape to keep that cancer walled off.
February 6, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Thank you for sharing the information from your tests, Ms Ruby.
I can understand having confusion with the results.
How does you feel, now that you have written about it?
Much peace to you.
February 6, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I really do know how to use proper grammar (most of the time). I meant, How DO you feel, now that you have written about it?
(That’s what happens when I edit myself and don’t go back to re-read my comment.)
February 6, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I will continue to pray. I believe what you wrote is incredible. Very courageous also Ruby. I want to say more but the right words allude me. So much peace to you today, so many healing thoughts to you.
February 6, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Ruby… don’t know what to say… relief is overwhelming me. Having lost Tanya to breast cancer and she went the traditional route of chemo, radiation, mastectomy and nothing worked… I had a sense that your decision of non action was exactly right. Your body is trying to take care of you as best it can and I think mother nature knows best. I know how hard it must be to stay positive but you are obviously doing something right.
I am so happy for you. {{{HUGS}}}
February 6, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Ruby, thank you for this update. I know it was difficult to write. At sixteen, my daughter had cervical carcinoma in situ. The cells were removed, but there was a waiting period there where we were holding our breaths, waiting for more tests before we could actually allow ourselves to feel relieved. She too was in a holding pattern after the first checkup, because the real test was six months later to see if anything had changed. She called me after the six-month exam, screaming and whooping and hollering, because they gave her an “official” all clear.
I know that this is not the same as what you’re going through, but I just wanted to tell you that I understand a little bit, and I can’t wait to read a whooping and hollering post from you. (((Hugs)))
February 6, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Hi Nora,
I didn’t ask - it doesn’t mean I didn’t care to know. I was raised to believe that in matters so grave, and so intensely personal, that unless you were intimately involved with a person it is simply inappropriate to ask. I hope you understand.
I am happy that the cancer isn’t spreading. That’s wonderful news for you and your family. I hope that it shrivles up and dies inside you.
Keep writing.
M
February 6, 2008 at 4:56 pm
k….can I just get tearful and hug ya bunches?
((((((((RubyShooz)))))))) (((((RubyShooz))))
((((((((((((RubyShooz))))))))))))))
Graced, if even just for today.
February 6, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Sounds like great news to me, though I understand why you’re not dancing for joy just yet. Still must be a relief on some level.
Sucks about the continued pain though.
*hugs*
February 6, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Ruby, your courage, your wisdom, and your trust are awe inspiring. Your post is so moving because not only do you share your news–and I agree with the others that there is much “good” in that news–but you write movingly about your hesitancy to share it, and indeed how to really feel about it.
I understand you still feel pain, and that your body still has things to contend with. My hope is that now your awareness can continue to shift a little bit as your body is also shifting. I celebrate with you this new bend in the road. Many hugs, many blessings.
February 6, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Ruby/Nora, I am so thrilled and relieved at hearing your news. I have kept you in my thoughts and have hesitated asking many times about your cancer.
Cancer is dis-ease, so now you can be at ease with your body and spirit. Allow yourself the freedom from being on guard and vigilent in your fight. May your body and spirit be completely free to live at ease. Peace and love ~~~Papillon~~~
February 6, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I have been “cancer free” for eight years. And, still, every day, I worry that it may come back. I believe that I am still here because I want to be here and I made up my mind to stay. May we both find peace with this one day…
February 6, 2008 at 11:51 pm
Nora darling…I understand and empathize…all of your thoughts and feelings, from A to Z. Your feelings are yours, and don’t let anybody try to take them away from you. They are what keep you going, keep you sane during the moments you don’t feel so sane, or don’t feel like talking.
The results sound positive to me. Of course you feel it and feel pain, it’s there, like you said, and you know your body. And, for you to share what you did is a courageous step, and maybe a small catharsis of sorts, breathing out the negative, inhaling the positive.
My thoughts to you, always, for happiness, and peace.
Much love, hugs, kisses and serenity.
February 7, 2008 at 12:47 am
Well…whoda thunk?
I hope this does make you feel good, Ruby.
Going along without knowing and then learning that instead of progressing with disease, you’re doing well. At least, that’s how I see it.
Like mel said, just for today…you’re graced.
Smile and feel good about it!
hugs!
February 7, 2008 at 1:38 am
Thanks for sharing this.. your courage, grace and nobility are simply inspiring. But then you always have been…
Much love and peace.
Paul
February 7, 2008 at 1:40 pm
sorry to hear that, I hope everyting is fine and I always pray for you. Keep focusing on positive side and don’t loss your hope.
February 7, 2008 at 5:57 pm
So glad I stopped by today Ruby…Thanks for updating everyone on your health status. Whether this is a big “R” or a little “r”, what matters most is that you are hanging in there, and that you have hope. As for your pain, I’m sorry to hear that you still have your days. Know that you are in hearts and thoughts of many. Much love to you today and everyday. xox
Peace, Understanding and Serenity
-PM
February 7, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Attitude is everything. if you haven’t heard of it, you may be interested in Rhonda Byrne’s book or DVD called “The Secret.” There’s a segment there about a woman who was diagnosed wiht breast cancer and how she chose to decide she was healed from the moment of the diagnosis. She did not buy into fear. She regularly said aloud, “thank you for my healing.” She only did things that kept her spirits positive and high. Within 3 months, the cancer was gone and she had taken no medication, received no chemotherapy or radiation. You may also be inspired by similar life expirience stories you could find in your local library or bookstore. We are what we think.
February 7, 2008 at 10:59 pm
just thankful to hear your news is good! Though having to decipher such a strange wording must not inspire confidence! I realise they have to do this but sometimes it is almost inhuman …. still, it sounds good from what you`ve been able to make out and for that we are all Thankful. Strength & Love Ruby!
February 7, 2008 at 11:00 pm
That you for sharing such sensitive information. You have great courage.
Blessings,
Annette
February 7, 2008 at 11:24 pm
My ways are not your ways saith the Lord of Host’s. My thoughts are not your thoughts…..I have chosen the foolish things of this world to confound the wisdom of the wise.
reg
February 8, 2008 at 1:08 am
Sue Massey, Welcome. I’m glad you stopped by and I do hope to see you again. I hope you found something useful here. Much peace, love and understanding to you today.
Teeni, I agree with you that it sounds like good news and that I should be breathing some sighs of relief and I have been actually. Thank you for your input and visit. It means a lot to me. Hope things are well with you, peace.
Carol, You’re welcome of course. How I feel is rather surprised to have so many people understand how I felt/feel. How do i feel? A bit trepidatious but just taking the good for now and concentrating on that. It seems the best course of action for me at the moment. Hoping all is well with you. Glad to see you as always. Peace.
SurfaceEarth, Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. I do believe in prayer. If you ever do have more words, please don’t hesitate to share them. Thanks for the healing thoughts - they are much appreciated.
DawnDear, I’m relieved too but still concerned you know.
I’m so sorry about Tanya. I know that many go that route and it doesn’t help…quite the opposite I think in many cases and that’s why I made the decision(s) I have made.
I had that sense that I was doing the right thing too but really - it’s just for me. Others in my position really have to make their own as well and I’m sorry to see so many just follow what the doctors suggest instead of really thinking first or investigating. I don’t mean to put anyone down for the decisions they make but I do feel badly for them. I’m glad I followed my heart.
Thanks so much for sticking by me and supporting me in the way(s) you have. You’re such a love. Many hugs to you today my friend. Thanks again for the dedication - how very touching!
MoonBeamMcQueen, Thank you for sharing your story about your daughter. How very scary! I’m so glad she ended up okay.
I do understand the waiting time between the testing. I guess I’ll be being tested every six months or so now.
Thanks for sharing here, I really do appreciate it. I must say though that I’m not much of a “whooping and hollering” sort of person anymore. I’m pretty laid back. Many hugs ((((((((((MBMc)))))))))))))
Martha Mihaly, I know. I did feel a bit - I don’t know what - about people not asking but I stopped and thought about it and realized that people might not have asked for so many reasons that I shouldn’t feel badly about it at all. I fully do understand now Martha and I appreciate you bringing that up here like you have.
Thanks so much for the well wishes and I hope all is well with you and your family. Much peace and love.
Mel, Always! I love the tears and always the hugs.
((((((((Mel)))))))))
Deb, It is great news for now and I’m happy to be happy with that and you’re right, it is something to feel some relief from.
Hugs back my friend.
MusEditions, I’m just being me and it’s nothing special really. It’s just the truth and that’s all I have to give.
Thanks so much for stopping by, for your continued support and for coming to celebrate with me. Thanks too for your generous words. Many hugs back to you my friend.
Papillion Thanks for your words, your thoughts and you’re coming back over and over. It really does make a difference. I am feeling more at ease about what’s going on as far as the cancer is concerned and working towards the “ease”.
Peace and love to you too. Thanks again.
Beth, Welcome. I’m so glad to hear about you being “cancer free” for the last eight years - that’s wonderful! I’m so glad you decided to stay. That’s a good way of looking at it. Thank you and here’s to peace.
Lorri, Lorri “darling”,
Knowing a *little* bit about you, I know that you can fully understand and empathize. Thank you for this.
Talking about it, getting it out in the open was indeed important for me and wasn’t easy but it’s done and it is feeling rather cathartic.
I’ve been thinking of you as well - wishing you peace and happiness too.
Always love, always peace, hugs, kisses and serenity!
Anonymous G., I’da thunk! I guess in the end I’m really not that surprised. I am living proof in more ways than one that anything is possible.
I’m smiling and hope you are too. Peace and hugs.
Paul B., You’re welcome. Once again, you’ve overcome me with such nice thoughts - I think - (is he really talking about ME?)
Peace and love back to you Paul.
Cora, Welcome …. I’m not sure I remember you being here before but - I’ll have to come visit you soon. I’m going to keep working on staying on the positive side here and thank you for your prayers. It means a lot to me. Peace.
Poseidonsmuse, I’m glad you stopped by today too. I was hoping you wouldn’t just disappear. Whatever it is, I’m doing pretty good emotionally lately so I’m hanging onto that and trying to enhance it when and where I can but hey, that’s what life is about eh?
Hoping all is well with you today and every day. Hugs, peace, love and understanding.
Liara Covert, Yes, I’ve heard of The Secret. Thanks for sharing about the woman in that story. How wonderful for you. I agree very much with your last statement: “We are what we think.” Thank you so much for your input and hey, it was nice to see you again. Thanks for stopping by. Peace.
CeeQue, I’m thankful too and thankful that I know how to read between the lines when it comes to doctors. I’ve gotten very good at this over the years.
Thanks once again for stopping by, for your care and concern and for your love. Peace my friend.
Annette Pieper, Welcome. Thank you for coming by and thank you for your kind words. I truly do appreciate it. Blessings back to you as well. Peace.
Brother Reggie, Hopefully we get better as times goes on eh? Thanks for coming by Reg - I’ve had you on my mind and in my heart. Always thinking of you. Hugs and peace and always love.
February 8, 2008 at 4:21 am
I have never ever left your side my dear.
all my love, peace and huge affectionate and soft caring hugs
“Fred”
February 8, 2008 at 9:45 pm
That is amazing good news, but I understand how it might leave you with more questions and insecurity. For now the tests are good, so some sigh of relief is in order. Now is the time to build your strength, and exhale a long breath.
February 9, 2008 at 5:58 am
Yes, good news. I can fully understand your feelings of craziness dealing with your Drs. Amazing that at times they take all the tests and can’t ever explain anything.. Frustrating indeed.
No one knows your body like you do. Although I’ve not had the experience (yet) like politicians, I don’t trust Drs, and we have already decided we need to get somewhere other than indy-anna if something occurs with either of us. This state scares me in so many ways.
My best to you and yours! ; )
February 9, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Big hugs to you Nora! My prayers are the butterflies I send to keep your spirits up, to help you see the positive side, to aid your body in healing and to scare that darned cancer right outta you! I’ve said it before and I still mean it - you’re an inspiration. May you always have a way for your voice to be heard by those of us who are listening. Yes, we are listening, yes we want to hear, yes we wanted to know the results but I wanted to give you the chance to want to tell - thank you for that.
Life is full of strange and wondrous journeys, all of them come with challenges. I’m at the end of one of ill health and the beginning of one that must need my strength, because it has returned. Your new beginning may be already. I feel grateful for it.
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
February 10, 2008 at 3:07 am
What a wonderful blog. Excellent post…you have just been tagged with the Big Bang Meme.
http://climateofourfuture.org/big-bang/
February 10, 2008 at 1:46 pm
there is good news and then there is wonderfully good news, the kind we see only in our dreams, and this definitely qualifies as news that doesn’t come any better! I don’t need to tell you how happy I am for you, for your family. As always, my thoughts are with you, enjoy today, and tomorrow, and the day after that.
Hugs and many +++ vibes (still from Florida)
Ingrid
PS: I never received your email. Sometimes I wonder if all those lost messages get together with those single socks that seem to get lost in the wash
If you want to try once more use i@lilajay.com
maybe we get lucky
February 10, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I’m lost for words…. I agree it sounds scary, but also so exciting and potentially hopeful.
I think I’ll just hold you close in my thoughts till I can find some words.
hugs
pxx
February 10, 2008 at 10:37 pm
{{{HUGS}}}
February 11, 2008 at 8:52 am
Oh Ruby, I’m so excited for you! I believe that this is extreamly positive news and I pray that you get the straight answers from your doctors that will help bring peace to your thoughts. Your healing is at hand, in fact it’s already begun. You listened to your inner voice and followed the course of action that you knew was best for you. Yay! Hold on to the positive thoughts girl, they make the difference.
Much Love,
Venus
February 11, 2008 at 11:57 am
the surgeon wants to cut
the oncologist wants to kill the cancer cells
the pain specialist wants give drugs
i have found that docs are so focused on their individual jobs that they sometimes loose site of the person they have in front of them.
i would be outraged that you have no better explaination of whats going on than you have.
heres looking forward to your friendship for a long time to come.
lovesoon
February 11, 2008 at 7:14 pm
i am not sure what to say now with the news that i have just found out with me its not good eithre but, I am glad to hear this news!!!!!!!!! I just hope that you are feeling better these days?
February 11, 2008 at 11:13 pm
hey there sweet lady!! I am proud of your bravery for going through this and being so open and public about it. It sounds kind of like the “no news is good news” rule for the moment. I just hope that it does indeed go all the way away and you can get feeling good again and start living the way you want to, without pain and sickness.
much love and big huggs!!!
February 12, 2008 at 2:52 am
Still and forever loving U,
/me looks around and doesn’t see you by my side - at all - very interesting…
Robin Andrea, It’s news that has thrown me for sure and I’m not sure I can say much more except that you are right. Hope all is well with you and yours. I’ve been thinkng of you. Always love.
Coffee Messiah, Yes, they either take the tests and don’t know or they don’t take them and don’t know - then they start experimenting.
About moving somewhere other than Indy-Anna, I’m not sure there’s anywhere that doesn’t have it’s perils but we live and learn hopefully.
Wishing you and yourins (urines?) the best as well too. Much love.
PicsieChick, Big hugs back and thanks for the prayers. I’m so glad y’all are listening but I’m wondering what more I have to say here anymore.
About the results, I just wasn’t sure anyone wanted to know. .. yeah, those old insecurities kicking in. Wishing you and yours the bestest. I am so glad to hear you’ve been feeling better.
Deborah, Welcome! I’m glad you stopped in and I thank you for inviting me to join in on the “meme” but I think I’ll have to pass on this one. I don’t know you that well since it’s your first visit and I don’t know - it feels funny - like “going all the way” on a first date or something.
I really like your blog though - it’s right up my alley and I hope to be able to come and visit and hope you come by more often so we can get to know each other. Much peace to you today. Thank you again for stopping by and for your meme offer.
NatureGal/L, I., I’m happy for now about it but/AND know there will be more to come at some point but that’s then and this is now so as ol’ Janis Joplin used to sing, “Get it while you can”.
Hugs and great vibes back and I’ll try this other mail you’ve put here but I’m going to delete it from here so you don’t get spammed too much unless it’s already happened.
Much love and peace always. HUGS.
PradaPixie, I’m at a loss for words too and that’s part of why I didn’t say anything for so long. Don’t be hesitant to speak your mind when you do find some words , okay? I can take it. Much love to you today.
Dawn, HUGE ((((((((DawnHugs)))))))))
V- , I am pretty sure I know what the answers are already and don’t need the doctors interpretations - honestly. As per being peaceful, I actually am pretty peaceful feeling lately. I’m very happy I listened to that inner voice and my instincts about what the doctors had said to begin with.
I’m sending along some positive vibes your way as well in your new venture. Peace and hugs my friend.
Dave, You are so right and so many times I’ve felt like a number and had doctors who didn’t even remember my name w/out looking at their precious charts. I should be outraged but for some reason I’m just not. Shocking for me I know but I guess I figure like Doris Day was it…? ….Whatver will be, will be….
Lovesoon and thanks really for your comment here today. I had forgotten I should be outraged.
Kaylee, I guess I’m gonna have to come visit your blog to find out what news you’ve gotten…. Hugs in any case.
I’m feeling pretty beat up physically but doing okay emotionally and that’s the most important thing for me and probably for most of us I would think. Peace and love.
JoeBecca Hi you. It’s not bravery, it’s just putting one step in front of the other really. Being open about this really hasn’t been hard. I’m hoping the no news is good news is a good thing because it really was a no news kinda thing really. It would be nice to say “It’s gone” difinitively, but I don’t think that’s ever going to be the case.
Anyway, very nice to see you and much love and big hugs right back to you. Peace.
Thanks to all of you who have commented here. Your comments mean a lot to me and they’re very much appreciated.
Peace, love and understanding to all.
February 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Hm……
was I supposed to feel happy dancing after reading this post? Answer: yes, of course.
Somehow I didn’t. Not because I don’t care about you or because you don’t deserve the good news. I think it’s the opposite, however not sure how that makes sense.
Why did this post leave me hanging from a weak branch?
Maybe because it feels as if you still feel you are?
February 12, 2008 at 1:36 pm
…..and just in case above comment may come across as harsh, it’s not mean’t to be, on the contrary.
February 12, 2008 at 5:31 pm
thats good to hear and it will be posted on my blog soon! i am too upset to say it yet
i will tell you guys tomorrow or thursday 
February 12, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Hi Ruby,
If I may offer a prayer for you, it is that you continue to claim your healing. When I read your posts I get a clear sense that you have strong inner guidance. It’s working for you and that is a good thing.
Cheers
CW
February 13, 2008 at 8:48 am
it’s not always easy to be courageous…so you be as upfront or not with us about your walled-off cancer Ruby, ain’t no judgement here!
love and reiki,
Lil xo
February 13, 2008 at 11:14 am
This is great news! The fact that it is not growing or spreading is great news. Our bodies and our minds our truly a wonder. There have been many cases of cancer regressing completly from ones body. If you have not already read books by Dr. Bernie Sigel I encourage you to.
Be well, be in peace and leave your worries behind.
February 13, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Hey you! I’ve always thought you were awesome for not lying down and letting the medical professionals have their way with you. You took control of your own destiny, and for that you are a hero to me.
(Them’s not just purty words either, Roobs! Oh, and my Texas friend says hi to you also)
February 13, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Your news sounds good to me. Don’t ever discount the power of your spirit.
My father fought a very virulent form of prostrate cancer that was in the later stages when diagnosed.
He fought it for 13 years with all he had. My admiration for his will and strength knows no bounds.
My family’s personal experience is that the individual has more power than they know.
You are in my prayers every day, Ruby Shooz.
February 13, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Spasmicallyperfect, I am not sure how you were supposed to feel. I’m not sure how I was/am supposed to feel but I have an inkling. Your comments do indeed make sense and your care and concern come through loud and clear to me.
Yes, I do feel as though I’m hanging on a branch but I don’t know how weak or strong it is - my intuition and my way of thinking tells me to enjoy today because no one of us is guaranteed a tomorrow or future.
I say “Get it while you can” and that’s done a world of good for me. (Yes, sometimes it’s gotten me into some troubles, but those too I count as not wasted but lessons.)
Thank you for coming, for commenting and for caring. Wishing you peace and joy.
Kaylee2, Ah love, take it as it comes and in as small bites as you can and it’s gonna be okay. I’ll be coming to check on you as soon as I can - I’m so far behind I’ll never catch up but that’s okay too - things are as they should be. Special hugs for you today.
Continuumwellness, Prayers are always welcome and appreciated. Thank you.
You are right in your comment that I do have a strong inner guidense - as long as I follow my heart I can’t go wrong - it’s all for the good when I do.
Peace and cheers to you today and every day. Thanks for caring enough to stop in and show it. Always peace and love.
Lil, I still don’t feel courageous - just upfront and honest and when I do that it’s always the right thing for me, I just hope that in my honesty I don’t ever hurt anyone - that’s been my main concern.
I’ve been thinking of you and care very much. Hope to see you soon. Peace and love.
ToBeMe, It is good news I think - it’s incomplete which niggles at me a bit but I’m going with it being good.
I agree very much with your comment about our minds being a wonder and having great power. I’ve read some Bernie Siegal and he’s got a lot of good things to say and good techniques but some of what he said I didn’t agree with. He has done a world of good for many people though.
Me worry? Never! … well, hardly ever! (any Gilbert and Sullivan pick up on that line?) Nah Mark, I’m not worried, really. I’m in a good space. I hope you are as well. Wishing you love and peace today.
ObservantByStander, Hey you back. I’ve always been one to question authority - I was raised that way and it’s important to do our own homework and follow our hearts.
What works for some might not work for others so I feel that we need to listen to those little voices inside ourselves - the good ones that say good things and make good suggestions. I believe too in talking with people and getting input so that we can see what we might not have seen from anothers’ perspective.
Laughing again at hero. They are “purty” nice words you speak about me and I thank you very much for your input.
Peace and love to you.
Jolynna, No, I never discount that power of spirit!
I’m sorry to hear about your dad and that you had a chance to see his strength and will which is something many folks don’t see or know about.
Thank you for sharing your input about your family’s experience with the power that individuals can muster when it’s needed. Thank you too for your prayers, I really appreciate it. Peace and love to you.
Thank you all for your care, concern and input. I really do appreciate it.
Peace, love and understanding. </b.
February 17, 2008 at 1:35 am
Hi Roobs, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m Lumpy, formerly known as “bella”… I stopped blogging for a while and started up again recently. I was so happy when I saw your post and just want to let you know that I’m relieved for you. Bless your sweet heart and soul. Here’s to you - KEEP FEELING WELL
February 17, 2008 at 9:43 am
Ruby, thank you so much for the update. While the news is confusing to say the least, it certainly sounds positive! I will continue to hold you in my thoughts and send positive energy and love.
Blessings to you!
February 18, 2008 at 7:29 am
Lumpy?? Hi love, of course I remember you Bella but not with a nick like that!
I’ve been thinking of you often and had been going through some old posts looking for your email so I could write to you and find out how you were but my search proved fruitlss. I’m so glad to see you@
I’m glad you’ve started writing again and I hope to be able to stop by your blog sometime soon. I’ve been not so hot and not around much but I’m going to make sure I come visit you. I’ve seen from many of your posts in the past what a nig heart you have so I’m sticking by you.
Much love, many hugs and always peace.
Rapunzel, Always a joy to see you! I’ve been by your blog a few times and wanted to comment but just didntt for some reason but I will next time.
Peace today.
February 20, 2008 at 6:19 am
Ruby,
I am so happy and relieved to read this.
Every time I have sat at my blog, I wondered how you were. And hoped one day you maybe able to say this to us.
I am a medicine man,
just a humble ER doctor.
not in any high profile superspeciality.
But if you ever wish to discuss anything you have my email address.
A very happy news after a long long time.
There’s not many for me these days.
February 20, 2008 at 5:49 pm
Sounds like wonderful news to me, confusing as it may have been for you! Your beauty may be all it needed to go away.
Lots of love!!
February 22, 2008 at 12:21 am
LittleIndian, What a very nice thing to think that you think of me when you sit down at your computer like that. How nice.
Are you actually a medicine man or an ER doctor - or both? I always wonder about the folks I here who I don’t know too well.
Thanks so much for thinking of me the way that you do - that really has gotten a smile out of me. I’m sorry to read there’s not many “happy news” for you these days - now I wonder more about you - who you are, what’s up in your life…
Here’s to some inner peace and healing for all of us - breathe in peace, breathe out the negativity.
Always peace, always love.
UrbanPixie, I don’t see it as “wonderful” but maybe full of wonder…?
Thanks for the kind words as always, peace, love and xoxo.
February 22, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Hi Ruby,
by medicine man, I was just referring to being a doctor.
I am surgeon by training and qualification, now in ER.
So when I read your blog, just a word here or a report there tells me lot more than you write.
Or even when you are unable to write.
This is really good news.
Peace for you too.
February 25, 2008 at 12:49 am
LittleIndian my friend, Hi. A surgeon? Very cool! I wonder how you’re liking working in the ER…in a big city or town or…? If I’m being too nosy, just let me know. I just always like to know more about people.
I am intrigued about you saying:
“So when I read your blog, just a word here or a report there tells me lot more than you write. Or even when you are unable to write.”
You sound like a sensitive, intuitive person and I like that in a person - it’s always nice to know people who are like that. Empathetic - no wonder you’re a surgeon.
I’m thinking it’s good news - I am still surprised by it but maybe I shouldn’t be.
I’m hoping all is well with you and I’m still trying to get around but haven’t made much progress but I think things are just the way they’re supposed to be and I’m going with that for now - it’s working out for me at this point. As long as I feel well emotionally - that’s what counts in my book - I imagine it’s the same for most.
Always peace, always love.
February 27, 2008 at 10:38 am
Sorrow’s ruby slippers image brought me here..though I did not know it was you. Our paths have been crossing, but today seemed the day for us to meet.
I read a lot on here…and I feel a good and powerful energy. I see this as good news too!! Go with that “wall” of powerful energy of love and peace. There are energies far beyond what we know including the medical field. (my daughter is a RN, and they see the miracles especially in the quiet hours at the hospital).
I so agree with you that peace comes from within!
May the positive energies of love and peace contnue to swirl around and within your soul!
February 28, 2008 at 7:36 pm
WOW! Let’s hear it for “walling it off”! I’m so glad to hear this but know that you know more than I do that happiness can be an illusion. Perhaps your peaceful journey took deeper roots in your soul than you realized. I’m glad for you today, Ruby, rejoicing at this news.
February 29, 2008 at 10:52 am
Gypsy-Heart, Welcome. I’m glad you followed the trail of breadcrumbs to come and visit here. I’m going to have to go check out Sorrow’s ruby slippers now; they sound interesting…or maybe you were talking about mine over there…?
I’ve seen your nick somewhere but I’m not sure if I’ve ever visited (just a quick peek the other day) but I do intend on coming by and when I say that I “intend” I really mean it. (seen so many people with these “intentions” that never brew into reality - I don’t want to be like that.)
I’m so glad to know you read here a lot - I’m glad you stepped up because your message came at a time when I really needed to hear what you had to say. It gave me a very warm vibration and energy.
Peace on back to you and pass it on.
Angela, Yeah, let’s hear it for sure! About this peace:
It’s there, it’s strong and has been for the most part for this past year and I’ve been working at reinforcing it in many ways. One big way is to experience the “rejoicing” that you speak of and I really am. Things could have been so different.
Peace and rejoicement for you today - yeah, I’ve got the power…at times. Always love!
March 4, 2008 at 12:50 pm
embrace the present ruby…
my best vibes out to you and only my most optimistic and loving thoughts…
((hugs))
k:))))
March 5, 2008 at 9:50 am
Karoline, I’ll embrace you right along with the present iffen you don’t mind. I’m glad to see you. I hope all is well with you - I’ve thought of you often.
Peace and hugs.
March 5, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Hi Ruby,
stopped by to say hello and hope you are keeping well.
I do not write any more, so rarely am blog hopping.
But I think of so many nice people I have met through blogs. I might not have known otherwise. Like trains on parallel tracks, come close and run side by side for a while and then diverge again, perhaps never to run together again.
Peace for you too.
Shanti, as an indian would say.
March 15, 2008 at 9:12 pm
LittleIndian My Friend, Thank you for coming by and letting me know where things stand with you. I’m sorry to hear you’re not writing anymore - I do hope you take it up again at some point.
I’m honored to have gotten to have known you in this way. I like the way you put it as “parallel” trains but I feel saddened at the thought of the “perhaps never to run together again.”
That sort of strikes me in many ways and it strikes me strongly given how I’ve been feeling emotionally on many levels.
Peace once again and Shanti - thank you friend. Always love.
March 20, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Hi RubyShooz,
just dropped by to see how you were.
I have reached that inevitable stage where life becomes a daily existence. Never sure if I really matter. Truly dispensible. No, I do not feel like writing anymore.
Its never possible to fully understand how one feels, but I think I know what you maybe going through. Maybe why i have to stop by if I am going this way.
Peace to you too, Ruby. And the very best wishes.
March 23, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Hello LittleIndian, I’m so glad you’ve dropped by, even though you’re going through it right now.
I’m not sure I agree with you that it’s an “inevitable stage” but perhaps it is. I know I’ve felt that way on several occasions during my lifetime but I can attest to the fact that it does not last forever. There can be joy when we allow ourselves the opportunity to feel it.
Another thing I can attest to is the fact that YOU MATTER. You matter to me a great deal. From the very first time you came here I felt honored that you came by and I still feel that way. You are not dispensible and you can get through this to the other side.
We don’t have to understand do we? We can feel what we feel and keep walking forward. Yes, I’ve been going through some things myself and I feel that you might just understand on several levels - life is hard man, I know.
Wishing you peace and serenity, much love.
Keep coming back, please.
April 11, 2008 at 9:46 am
Dear Ruby,
Please forgive such a late reply. I am new here and just clicked on this post because I have lupus and am always interested in other people’s experiences, struggles, and victories. I can so empathize with your frustration with the medical system. I believe its unfortunately so much abou them having to cover their butts (thanks to skyrocketing malpractice insurance) that its difficult to get a straight answer. One thing I’ve done is to ask various doctors, “If this were your daughter, or your wife, what would you say to her and what would you want her to do?”
Nice to meet you, and blessings to you.
Psychscribe
http://www.psychscribe.net
April 11, 2008 at 10:38 am
PsychScribe, You are not late and I do love when folks come and read some of the past posts - even the first ones. I don’t mind comments to old posts; some of them are near and dear to my heart.
I’m so sorry you have lupus. I’ve often wondered if that’s what I’ve got too since I’ve been sick for so long and not had good doctors.
You mentioned the question you’ve asked several doctors and I’m here to tell you I’ve asked the very same question and sometimes gotten honest replies.
Thank you for your input and thank you for stopping by today.
Peace, love and understanding.