The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ, moves on:
April 27, 2008
I just don’t think I have it in me anymore.
I had some things I wanted to say here but I can’t bring myself to doing it and I’m a bit heartstruck that I cannot feel free to write as I used to here so -
I’ve cared for many of you, even come to love some of the few who have actually stood by me, those who came and carried on even when I couldn’t (Mark, I love you for this among other things) and those who have written to me personally to say hello, how are you, I care. I don’t know what’s going to happen with me but I guess none of us do.
To the others, well, more power to you. I did what I could. I gave it everything I had, never asked for a thing.
Peace, love and understanding, no matter what.
Thank you for taking the time and care to comment. Your visits honestly mean much more to than you might imagine. Jump in, comment anywhere on any of the posts. 
Click for 
April 28, 2008 at 1:45 am
Ahh Ruby. Is it time? It is ok, you can let go quietly, in peace. Opiate up, lose your pain and, silently call for them who have pre-ceded you to help you lose your fear of the one thing we all will inevitably face. They will wake and be a comfort to your soul.
I have felt these moments and they are waking already, just sitting across the void of perception waiting. Don’t fear your choice my darling friend, it is yours to make. To be at peace with, knowing that it will be only a small matter until you wake to a new reality, an eternal reality beyond disease, pain and the troubles of this place. There is another place destined for man and it is timeless, light, beautiful.
This I know because I have seen it with my own spirit. A short time of sleep and you will see it also.
Ruby, darling friend, dear sister, do not be afraid. I promise you that even though you are now tired, so very tired, the best anyone can do here is leave a positive imprint for them who come behind to follow. This you have accomplished. If no-where else than in the dirt that is my soul as you walked through leaving the impressions of your walking shoes that I might have a clearer path to follow. Thank You. Simply Thank You.
I will not cry when you are not in this place or away from me. It is not my way because I know what I believe is true. And you are going to that place, not because you want it; but because it is the place of rest and succor in the belly of an infinitely wise Creator. We are not a virus or a sickness to that One, dear friend, but rather we are his ‘Immortal Beloved’. As Beethoven so aptly wrote of his cherished love. If one human can become so much to another, how much more can we become to the One we know is immortal, loving and, faithful to us?
This train is playing somewhere in the S station now, Ruby. Carlos Santana, Shaman. Again what serendipity it is, no matter where I put you on my personal blog roll, the train is always musically stopped in the right station, eh? Such it is, and our life is serendipity as we move through it. Our only mistake is always trying to fire the boiler hotter to get more steam, more speed…finally we come to the place where the flower scent is more important than the scrounging for dollars, the sight of blue sky more than the sight of unimportant fluff. It is as it should be, of this I have no doubt. It is good, to see everything in its proper perspective.
I will continue on until the train stops or the station is closed, I have strength enough for both of us. Sleep as you will my friend, behind that door there is no more pain.
Peace
mark
April 28, 2008 at 5:26 am
*hugs*
<– trusts that the moving finger wrote exactly what it needed to, today…… Walk in peacefilled places, Ms. RubyShooz. I suspect it’ll follow you, where life takes you. Kinda works like that, yaknow?
April 28, 2008 at 7:58 am
Ruby, I don’t know what to say. I hope that you are at peace, and I’ll continue to light my candles, say my prayers, and keep you close in my thoughts as I always do. Sending you hugs, love, and gratitude for sharing your thoughts with us all this time.
April 28, 2008 at 10:23 am
Peace Love and understanding…
Always.
April 28, 2008 at 10:53 am
You in in my mind and on my heart and I send you all the love and peace this universe that we share. Blessings, TT
April 28, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Much love and peace to you Ruby… you have been an inspiration…
{{{HUGS}}}
April 28, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Came to check…….cuz I’m kinda like that….
((((((((((( RubyShooz ))))))))))))
*sending peacefilled thoughts*
April 28, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I know you are signing off blogland for now, but your peace and energy has left a greater presence.
Peace Ruby and thank you for your unending kindness.
April 28, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I send you peace and love.
April 28, 2008 at 8:20 pm
You and me, sister.
Love ya!!! You know where I am.
April 28, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Dearest Ruby,
Mark said it so beautifully, and there is so much loving in the other messages expresses to you. You have touched many people here, given much sweetness and wisdom. I am so sorry that you hurt. May the energy that you have left be used for things that give you a moment’s beauty and a moment’s peace… I send endless blessings to your Soul, Ruby, that *light* may guide you for all your time…
My empathy -
Peace, love and understanding to you as well. May you feel it in every pore of your body Ruby, and may it bring you comfort in the deepest of ways.
Cyber-hugs and angel wings.
Genuinely,
Loving Annie who will miss you
April 29, 2008 at 12:20 am
Ruby,
Best of luck and God bless you. I will miss you.
-smith
April 29, 2008 at 1:37 am
Hello Mrs Ruby.
You are cared about by so many people. I’ve not wrote to you personally for a while for reason’s that I have tried to explain to you. That doesn’t mean to say for the nearly three years I have know you that I don’t love.care.respect,admire and want you in my life.
My own craziness,obsession’s and pain has kept me away from my friends - all of them.
Every single day I’ve stood by you,walked with you and sent you loving, healing energy.
Always Loving
Diane X.
I have been wanting to email you. You’ll always be in my heart Nora always. No matter what.
I wish you all the happinness, ease and peace that one can feel.
I miss you like crazy.
April 29, 2008 at 2:16 am
Hey Ruby, good morning my friend.
After reading the news of the day I felt so damn dirty I wanted to jump on the train and ride it here before any where else this morning. No darlin’ don’t go patting yourself on the back because I ran here from my normal progression to you first. Nope, don’t you go a thinking that “you any big thang” as we say here.
But I come here to be with you and this family now to get clean in the beauty of your domain…how did you do this? Create such a refuge? I am still going through all of the previous posts you made and there is such common wisdom and peace here that I must be blind (I am in one eye but that’s another story) for me to ride on this train now for months and not to have seen the light on the horizon cast off by your home sooner.
It does shine though. Such a calamity to peace outside these walls. For the first time to today, because of your creation of this place, I can feel my heart unwinding and it is good.
Well I guess I am at fault for losing my center, and grateful that I can come here and refocus my head and heart to be in unity, one with the other. The fault is mine because I am going to full battle mode in this fight to regain man’s humanity. Speaking out now with words that I hope will lead others to do the same.
I know you understand the battle and what is at stake here in this realm of corporate governance. Don’t worry about it though or me.
I have nothing the government can take or destroy that I am not willing to part with. I will give it in peace and they will not understand it. This is confusion to them who are drones for the world wide empire of greed over compassion, war over peace and prosperity.
*shrug* It is worldly of me, something I have eschewed now for years. But now is the time, to wade in and fight their power. *: )fuck ‘em* ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
We were all confused, in the hit parade train but I am certain it is rolling through the S station. I jumped on and Semisonic was roaming through the station with amplifiers balanced on their heads and electric guitars…I didn’t see any cords but the sound was terrific.
I really don’t know much about these people other than I like the sound, it caresses my ears like warm rain on a summer’s day. I didn’t buy this disc, I acquired it when my vehicle was returned to me after being stolen. The thief had left a case of discs on the front seat. It was given me as “it was there,it’s yours now” philosophy.
I sent out the sniffer dogs to try to locate the teen who lost the discs even e-mails to the one I discovered, but I never got a response. *shrug* I wasn’t going to destroy them so after a month I distributed them free to any of a mind. I kept the case and quite a few of the discs. Such is my life, loss and recovery. Others should be as fortunate as You and I Ruby.
Oh geez what happened. Semisonic retired to the restroom . I guess they needed to “get mellow” ha ha ha, talk about change. “Now on disc for your listening pleasure…The Sex Pistols!” the stations remote announcer gave this information, almost like he cared.
Bang! The daddy’s of modern punk! I like it, even at 3 AM…I wonder if they know who their daddy is. The Who! The grand daddy’s of punk music. Eyup it’s true. My beloved band of the 60’s…made a punk out of me!
Heh a classical music lov1ng, 50’s and Motown hearing, Rock & Roll fool posing as a punk! heh ehe hee. A punk that giggles like a little girl. Ha Ha Ha Ha HA!
I feel so much better than twenty minutes ago Ruby and it is this place that helped me make it so and you my darling friend, pal, fellow traveler made this place. but remember it is better to not think you any big thang. I am nothing and that is a good thing. It is the peaceful path in this Walking Way of ours.
“oh you silly thing” Sid is cranking out now…ok I am silly. Works extremely well for me as now I move back out of your comforting soul to the compassionless world. thank you for restrengthening me.
I am better now, me and ‘The Great Rock and Roll Swindle’ can comfortably go back out and do it MY Way…ha ha ha ha.
Tremendous Peace Ruby.
mark
April 29, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Hi Ruby,
We all reach the time when there is no longer anything that we feel we can contribute to the party, and know that it is time to go home.
I have no idea what Mark is talking about, but what matters is that you and he both do, and that you are doing what is right for you. I hope you have a chance to keep stopping by my house. I’ll see you soon.
M
April 29, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Roobs, this made me rather sad but I respect your decision. I know I will miss you! You have a very big heart and I will miss you much!
Love,
Anne
April 30, 2008 at 2:19 am
I’m not sure I understand everything about this post, but I will say I have very much appreciated your blog and our friendship. We have explored. I wish you much peace on this next phase of your journey. Many good, loving, healing thoughts are sent your way.
April 30, 2008 at 3:21 am
Hey Ruby, G’day Ma’am,
I don’t know where this train is again this morning. Jaysus! I was happily ensconced in the S station and now Michael McDonald pops up. Windows Media player ARGHHHH! Clearly he belongs back in the M station. Begorah!
Ha Ha Ha…O Michael McDonald sure I can tell you a little about him, no problema. McDonald is a Celtic music vocalist. The most unusual thing about him is that he is pretty much a soloist, which is more of a rarity in Celtic music for a man. *shrug* I prefer female vocalists but there are exceptions. McDonald is listenable, Bowie is great and some others along the way on this music train have been good on the ears but I really prefer the unfettered voice of females that are not corporate poster children, pop music, nope you’ll find none at any station here.
I started out my foray away from classical music with folk music of the 50’s and 60’s, which I found out later is an off shoot of the Celtic tradition. While the fifties folkies were more of a reach back for me, I did grow up in the Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan and, Joan Baez generation. Most people though with the exception of Dylan did not really listen to the two females, in that age of revolution. They heard them but they did not listen. AT least if they did, they didn’t take it to heart the way they did Dylan.
I heard and listened but that was me as a early horny teen.
I am not sure when I really came upon Celtic music. Though I do know that once I heard the drum and pipes screech out a tune, this was MY music. Coming from a Scot’s Irish heritage, Celtic music is a sort of soul music for an Celt. It comforts me like no other in part because I made myself knowledgeable about historical events in those lands as they tried to free themselves from British empiricism. While not completely successful they did defy the British by retaining their own outlawed language, music and culture despite British attempts to grind it in to oblivion.
I suppose that is what all writers, teachers, and people passionate for their heritage try to do; no? Preserve the most important parts of language, culture, traditions and music, for the coming generations is a paramount consideration for forward thinkers.
It is the same battle the Aboriginal people of this land fought, with different degrees of success. Their history fascinates me as well Ruby, they first encountered Europeans in the 16th century and from that day to this are still fighting for homelands and culture.
I think in the past four hundred or so years it was the Africans taken away from their culture, first by the Dutch, then the Brit’s, that have been the least successful in retaining some real understanding of their heritage. While it is clear to call them African, that diaspora is so huge, that none can recognize what tribe or land they came from. Not the way others can, like myself while I am pure American I know where my predecessors come from. So murky are the lines of lineage to most Blacks, that there is a void in the heart of them for African traditions,but which traditions?
Much to the credit of the Blacks in America though, they are building a base of tradition here. Though fully American, sadly it takes hundreds of years for these cultural institutions like music to become a part of their heart.
O! Shit here I am blathering on again without thought as to where I am going. It is a good, if un-comprehended thing albeit confusing to someone not familiar with the journey of body and soul into spirituality, no?
How is your spirit feeling this morning friend? Well I hope, soaring among the different lights of the cosmos that you may decide on a home? It is good for me, here for now. I do the treatments for pain, accept the rest as a present lot and move on through those places myself. I am in awe of the thought and detail that went into this engine of the cosmos. And to think it is all for the beloved’s convenience eh?
Well it is good to be human. To be loved and to love.
This is
Peace
love
mark
April 30, 2008 at 9:51 am
While it may be true none of knows what will happen to ourselves…I know you will find your peace.
May 1, 2008 at 3:40 am
And a good morning it is too Ruby.
The train is running a bit late though because the engineer is being to wordy at all of the stops. *shrug* it is a prerogative of the gabby…one thing I admit I am in a constant state of. Gab. O how I know it well.
I think that the S station here on the line was The Grand Central stop. It took almost three days to just walk through it, but through it we are now onto the T. Third Eye Blind and then Tom Waits. Waits really is an amazing writer and performer of that writing. More the poet than the musician, he almost brought Poetry to the mainstream, but was cast aside for niche spot among near cult like followers who have acquired the taste for ‘ol Tom’s work. I like it a lot, but it is not a slavish addiction for me eh? I did learn some posturing from him while watching him do a show on PBS, that helped me in my own “on stage time” reading.
Did I ever tell you about that few years…from 06/07 I was ranked from between # 8-12 in the competitive poetry slams. Maintained a good enough position to make it to the final stage where I would have been able to read my work to 300 peeps or so. It took a 3/4 ton truck slamming into me, to do what others couldn’t, knock me out of the box the week of the semi-finals. *Sigh*, I skipped this whole last season, with the medical vultures and shit, I could have performed I guess, but just didn’t feel like getting out there to do it. Ah well, the season starts again in November. I am tuning up now and will start ramping up my public spectacle in July or August, competitive poets can be some of the hardest people to get along with, which is why I never took it to seriously, I just like to read, the rank well that was an audience nod I gratefully accepted.
hell for near on two years before that I hosted a Sunday night open mic at a small dive, 50’s style coffee house. Saw that venue grow from 5 people to over a hundred week after week. Talk about a quick lesson in getting over stage fright, and learning how to control a room. The audience can be even more merciless than competitive poets. ha ha ha ha but both ARE a big ego stroke, that’s a sure thing. Even when you totally bomb people come to you and ask how they can get over their fear of public performance and how to enter and exit, I am sure it was during that time that I learned to teach some of what I knew. Before the open mic we would workshop for an hour with anyone who wanted help in any area; writing or performing.
Too bad that in my own way I caused the balloon to burst we actually were doing some small good by getting Black performers on a White stage and White performers on the more urban venues. But it was a matter of eat someones shit and smile or not. I chose the not. No regrets though. I break a bit, I heal a bit, I move on a bit; always been that way. always will now because I am too old to even want to do things different in my heart.
And it is the heart that is the most important dimension of a human no? I think so, and I believe old Tom Waits thinks so, and I bet you do too Ruby.
Well heres another turn in the old earbuds…Tony Bennett and K.D.Lang duetting the cares away.
which is where I am off to for now, my friend, away to other places.
Peace
and
Much Love
mark
May 1, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Love you Roobs. Take care of that big beautiful heart. Love always and always,
Simonne xx
May 2, 2008 at 12:56 am
Lil sis,
Do we find comfort in knowing somone’s hurting more than us…………..yes we shamefully do!!!!! Our problems become less burdensome………My comfort lil sis…..is to keep my mouth shut about my problems……….I know an inumerable amount of people whom have problems much more than I.
I love you guys,
Hope the Angels ain’t keeping you awake all night.
Brother reg
May 2, 2008 at 1:48 am
Hey!! It’s one of those days Ruby, you know the ones where you let them poke you, prod you and, needle you because they believe it is the best option going for you.
I know it isn’t but *shrug*, like swimming or bathing sometimes it’s not bad to do it with someone else, even if they don’t have a clue how the water feels, because they have never been in it. I don’t mind the six inch needles into my neck, even though I know at best they offer some temporary relief. I like the place, going there and finding that the nurses are just as acerbic as I am and funny as hell to boot.
as we traded barbs between the 2 nurses, the doc & me. I let the nurses know they were old hags,ha ha ha ha…now I fear for my neck life, next week when I finish this round of the protocol. They do have a whole week to work on the doc’s head and he may allow one of them to wield the needle… I’ve paid that piper before. nyuk nyuk nyuk
whooo wee I got sidetracked there for a minute, the needles were yesterday, it’s 0230 and I got my 2.5 hours of sleep early on in the day so I have been awake since 9:30 pm, traveling around the universe and looking, watching and waiting for something. I am not sure what it is I wait for but I do know it’s nearing but not yet. I just feel inside of me a shortness of time. But I don’t really have a reason for this feeling, it’s just there.
Maybe because once we left the S station the music train is running down and out of letters. It may be that soon it is going to take a step backwards over the five or six thousand pieces in here and start again in the place before the A station? That would be an ending and a beginning. knowing I have listened in order, to every song on here and finding out what’s missing. I should have been taking notes eh?
I think though what I’ll do is eliminate all of the passengers on this train..the songs, the spoken word art, kick them all off with a highlight and a delete button and start them all fresh with a new ticket after I gather them, clean them up, repair them as I am able, I will allow them to seat on a new fresh train and see where they wind up.
Micheal Jackson ain’t making the cut though, my daughter gave him a ticket so my granddaughter had something she liked to listen to while she played. I am taking his ticket away just like I may do to M&M. It is after all mine and since the last operation my granddaughter isn’t brought over so much anymore soooooooo….
I am going to load the train my way. ha ha ha ha ha I have the power! (says the mad late night dictator who sleeps little and talks much. mwaha ha ah ha ha.)
But I am not going to open the music list up until the train hits the end of it. It must be sometime soon because it is going through a random mash of things it didn’t know where to put except under miscellaneous.
I know what the very last piece is so in a way I want to be…what taken off guard when it shows up? It is and has been a journey through this play list. Soon we start it over, same music, same friends but a different journey. For me anyway’s.
Peace
Ruby
just
Peace
mark
May 2, 2008 at 1:59 am
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the winds be always at your back.
May the sun shine warmly on your face,
And may the rains fall softly upon your feilds.
Until we meet again my friend,
May God hold you in the palm of his hand.
Old Friend and Eternal Fellowship
andyaddict
Los Angeles
May 2, 2008 at 3:27 am
my notebook broke and i lost all my addresses
i was hoping you would write to me
i do not have christie’s address either
andy was kind enough to give me a link to your journal
i will be catching up tonite
i am sad about what little i have read just now
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so much
kristi
May 2, 2008 at 8:20 am
Keep the faith, Roobs.
You will be missed.
~m
May 2, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Strength & Love to you Ruby,…always.
May 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm
You fall asleep frightened. This hurts my heart. I long to comfort you. I long to hold you steady in my arms, cradled serene and safe. I want you to fall asleep laughing, to sleep with a smile on your lips. I will guard you while you rest. I will protect you as you dream. You do not need to be vigilant. I am your protector. I cherish you.
The night holds no threat for me. I welcome its blackness and its calm. I planned the night. It is intended to comfort you. The stars watch over you as you sleep. The moon keeps an eye on you. You are not alone. You are well guarded.
Allow me to meet you at nightfall. Tell me your day before you sleep. Tell me the dreams you are harboring. Allow me to weave them while you rest. I am able to fulfill your dreams. I have miracles at my disposal. I am all powerful and, too, I am your friend. Come dream with me.
Rest in my arms. Confide your secrets to me. Tell me of each day’s journey. I listen with a lover’s heart. I am ready to hear all that you have to say. Nothing you whisper is too small for me. Nothing you sigh is too large for me. I am your perfect partner. I am the safety that you yearn for, the harbor you fear you cannot find. Of course you can find me. I am with you always. I am a part of you as you are a part of me. Can you see that we are one?
With Love,
Your Higher Power
May 3, 2008 at 12:56 am
“why should I care, why should I care…girls of 15 sexually knowing the ushers are sniffing,…magically bored breeding frustration, in my generation.” 5:15 The Who, Quadrophenia.
Oh my! Oh shit! I have waited for this band and all of the members solo tracks to be laid down for the train Ruby. No the lyrics don’t have any relevant meaning here. It is just what I am listening to in real time as I type. This IS rock & roll! forget the Beatles and the Stones, this is The Who! The real rock & roll of the “lost” generation.
*sigh* You know my friend that having waited so long for the train to get here, I really wasn’t thinking of the Who consciously; but I knew the train we ride was going to get here soon, right on time as it is. Patiently waiting and now here it is, and Pete lays out reality of the generation, I am well pleased as usual at the memories, and reality of this; my generation.
To me this is the classical music of the 60’s. Not a dreamland or a rocky sex fantasy world, but hard and stark reality laid down unflinchingly and no one seems to have taken the words to head. *Sigh*
Great stuff though, these words of theirs. But now it is a different age and a different day and the old shit of yesterday seems, to me, to be repackaged as new shit for today. The kids are all right though but they still don’t see, yet at 15.
Mass market me{no don’t!}, Ruby, I swear they aren’t seeing the potholes and traps as much as the should be. I have hope and faith in this generation, great hope in the youth of the world, although I think they are overall, late bloomers and like double malt scotch, a few extra years in the barrel seems to have opened a short eye in ‘em.
A short eye that will explode on us when it hits the belly. Yea, The Who lead me to have faith in a generation almost forty years beyond where they laid the tracks of this music driven time train down.
There is hope in this place and the sooner its residents see it the better. No?
Satisfied peace Ruby, my sweet friend.
mark
——————————————————
just a side note to everyone. Yea folks it is a good time for prayer and hope and faith and a positive vibe. But then when isn’t it? eh? I have no personal knowledge of where our walking friend, Ruby is at other than a quick post on a blog, this past week.
I would ask you though to just keep leaving a quick post here because no matter the state of affairs in Ruby’s face world. I am certain that she does take time out, and receives pleasure from your words.
Peace
TWM
May 3, 2008 at 8:11 am
((((((((((( RubyShooz ))))))))))))))))
*thinkin’ of you*
And that prayer that FS shared….made my heart full…
You know–for me, it’s all about being loved and loving.
Who’da thunk it would be so simple.
May 4, 2008 at 1:44 am
Ruby, G’day mate! A short day I think in that the train is come to ultimate last musical station. Ziggy Marley, then the misc. Stuff that the music engine didn’t know what to do with, a virtual compendium of small pieces thrown together under the Unknown category.
I think this is the best station of all, there is a bit of everything here from classical to metal, Ravi Shankur & Celtic, and the one I told you about is playing now. A friend of mine is a drummer in an Indy band and to wind the music down it is their self titled, self produced 14 track disc. I’d tell you a bunch about them, but it makes no sense without a common reference point. Though it is melodic, and driven, drums flutes and the ever present guitar. what i like about it though is that every lick on the skins I can see my buddy as he happily plays it.
Peace Ruby.
mark
May 4, 2008 at 6:43 pm
AWWWW You leaving us
will miss you!
May 5, 2008 at 3:26 am
hey Ruby? How is this morning finding you? I bet it is the beginning to a good day. I think you will be getting the weather we had yesterday. It was near cloudless, temps struggled to reach 65(f) and it was good.
The old lady and I are at a crossroads. Not a personal one between us but one we are looking at together. We are looking for a house outside of Detroit. I was born in the city, whenever I lived in this state, I always lived within the city limit. It has always been a poke in the eye to both the Black and White separate but equal establishment to have me here.
It has always been my norm to look at common held beliefs and do otherwise. This is the racial segregation capitol of America. And I for one never bought into the Detroit of the news, I have seen what people criticize so openly here of the city, and detest it, but at the same time don’t fear it or denigrate it with a journalists voice. I detest it for the connotations it implies.
So for the 35 years or so I have been back here I resisted it, worked to eradicate it. Knowing that a spec of sand had no chance in changing the tides of the ocean, but refusing to be washed away by it none the less.
But, and this is the part I hate, with so much property in foreclosure, it is our last best chance to get my wife to a place I can leave her if I go on my Walking Way. I hate the thought of taking advantage of someone else’s pain but I have a certain reality I have to face and it doesn’t include leaving my wife in the city without me.
No, no I am not on the brink of demise yet, but it is better to be prepared and work as I can to pay off a new mortgage than to think I may go, and wind up leaving her here, where it is not a native environment to her. She has gained in “street smarts” but not the 50+ years of them who lived through the evolution of the fifth largest city in America to the twelfth.
So we went looking, trying to figure out what we want in a new habitat. How far away we are willing to go. Personally I want further than removing us from the county, but too far is not practical in that her generation of her family all still live in MI. I am more of a rambler and not particular attached by blood to this place. But it is a twenty one year old mind talking through a pretty beat up 54 year old body. Ha ha ha ha never could get the two in sync.
So we went looking two counties to the north east of us yesterday, just wasting gas and getting a feel for the area, close to the southern end of lake Huron.
The water was silent yesterday, almost a crystal blue before the ravages of summer and excessive boating and use take on it. We looked and talked about what was acceptable, what amount of money we are willing to part with and, where that money is going to come from. While not rich by any American standard we are debt free so that puts us in a good state. Better than most.
But we are still competing with investors that have not been wiped out with this down turn. I think they are the real leeches, and have more than a passing hand in this mortgage crisis.
So it will be a transitional summer for us. I am going to make this happen because it s time. *sigh* I will miss this mess called Detroit and environs though. Even if I know that I have stood against it and worked to improve it one mind at a time, it is now truly time for us to retire from this madness of animosity and neglect.
but this is a secret, so don’t tell the sellers we are coming, because i am going to find a place that has been months on the market and try to force the bank to a loss. ha ha ha ha ha it will make me feel better if I beat up on an institution.
Well the music train has successfully turned around, the round house put the engine once again at the head of the track and now we have passed through the station that is reserved specifically for the 10,000 maniacs and now we are at the a stop with Allanis Morrisette, it is good and fresh because i don’t know what is ahead.
Moving On Peace
mark
May 5, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Ms Ruby,
I don’t know all of your circumstances, but I can certainly relate to being done with a blog. I hope that we cross paths now and then. My doors (blog and otherwise) are always open.
Much love, peace and understanding to YOU.
May 6, 2008 at 1:09 am
bright blessings to you…
May 6, 2008 at 3:37 am
Wellllll hiya honey!
Jaysus Ruby can anyone be as manic as me? I was up at 11:30pm and stayed here coffeeless for about 2 hours reading and tapping out a few things to a miscreant and decided that maybe I wouldn’t do my usual 18 hour of waking moments, ergo I went back and lay on my pallet.
I went down the river for a couple of more hours and got up a tad before 4 and here I am feeling late. Oy Vey!
Now that’s the manic part Ruby, what the hell have I got to be late for eh? I am retired, it’s not like I have to go open up the gas station and do that routine which is still a fresh memory,
0515, wake shower get out and drive across town open doors turn off alarm hit house lights grab stick and check gas levels in the underground tank start coffee (I always brought my first cup with me) figure the amount of fuel to order and call it in. Breathe look over displays correct any deficiency, look to soda and ready an order get that fresh coffee in me turn on street lights and sell gas attendant arrives do car repairs next 4 hours.
That was just the first twenty minutes of my day which then ran into my primary job which went until 2:30 am the following morning. Then I got to sleep for a couple and start over again. This is what I did to make my money in those days and I didn’t mind it. But you know where the chase for dollars led me eh? A blown out back, a couple of car wrecks (not my fault) that never would have happened and, in toto 6 fused vertebrae (might be 7 not sure how they count ‘em)and, this, 8+years later my present state.
I guess that I still want to work like a dervish but I know it is impossible and that leaves, time for me as my only manageable asset. Even that is not my own to manage really. The pain while sleeping blows…so here I am awake at 4 and feeling like I am late for something. *shrug* go figure.
Well this music train is right on time again, even though it is randomly backing and forwarding to different station on the track. Right now I have Moby playing on the platform speaker. ‘God Moving Over The face Of The Waters’
I guess if you want to impart depth to apiece just put God into the title. ha ha ha…all he (moby) has done here is a repeating chord over a symphonic track.
Sheesh I think God moving over the face of the waters was a bit more involved than two simple chords dancing together. But what do I know, moby may not have been able to make nice with eminem but he just may have an inside track to the One who creates all. I better not comment. ha ha ha ha ha hah ah a haha ha
Oh well the train moves on with another group I really like (i think I have their entire discography laying around here) Depeche Mode. The funny thing is I really don’t know anything about this group other than I like the music. First heard it in the late 80’s while in a music store that was playing one of their discs and was taken by it, now I think I have them all from that first purchase.
I never read liner notes or looked them up, so they are still a bit of a mystery to me, and honestly? I think I will keep them that way.
Peace my friend.
Love
mark
May 6, 2008 at 6:48 am
*hugs*
Another day, another opportunity to touch lives.
*thinkin’ of ya*
May 7, 2008 at 3:02 am
Mornin’ babe,
It is a strange feeling I woke up to this morning, not a dreadful one. Simply an introspective one. No big deal though, it would seem to be something in the air or water. Every writer I visit with seems to be going through the same inner feeling. I wish they would get off it. Their ennui is affecting my zen. Ha ha ha ha
I would want them to know about the universal thought and how it has an effect on the whole. Jaysus you would think that people who spend their life as educators,teachers and, late night by the candle writers would know this.
But no, they get caught in the trap of self examination and forget that the world is outside of them not inside. “I am in a rut” they all cry. Shit kick ‘em in the ass a bit that is more fun than a tow truck to pull them out of the writer’s ditch. Everyone knows pain and loss and the thought of time to move along but writers tend to wallow in the misery. Sheeeeiit.
What good is it eh? Not a whole lot, it is like trying to live in the glory days of prom queens and motorcycles. Sometimes it just ain’t no good to go back, especially when every fiber of being is saying go forward. Any direction is good, even the wrong one. Movement is life.
I prefer to move as I am able as opposed to a static being. Everybody seems to be fearing judgment day. ha ha ha I would rather be judged on the results of a very long, long divers path, than a simple straight line. My way the judge just might lose sight of some of my less egregious mistakes. I doubt He will lose sight of any of it but trying to confuse Her will make for an interesting and long conversation about my mortal being, when it no longer means anything.
See Ruby, I know where I am going and will be glad to get there but in the meantime I have only to live until my last breath and then I will sleep and wait for the judgment and God will patiently explain over a cup of tea, all of the mistakes and places where I didn’t listen or failed to hear.
Call me crazy but I ain’t afraid of life, death or, judgment. It’s all good. If you suppose it to be. Not supposing it so is a writers mistake. Yes I write but I don’t make this mistake anymore. And yes just so you know I do like delivering said kick to them who do suppose that their current condition is dark and rocky. Jaysus almighty, live in the sunshine while the sun yet shines.
Well It is time to move on for this morning Ruby. The media player seems to have stumbled on itself and I will have to r-boot it to get the music train back on track. Shrug it happens.
Peace
mark
May 8, 2008 at 3:05 am
Good Morning Ruby.
I’ve been up and at it since the clock turned over on a new day. It would seem that today I am somewhat wordless, not sure why *shrug* even the big mouths come up empty sometimes eh? Probably a good opportunity to just shut-up, breath, and listen for one of the few times in my life.
I wonder how this will get me through the day. I am going for the radio frequency coagulation later, and will find out what this young doc has in mind for my head and neck and low back and, and, and it doesn’t matter. It is a relatively simple procedure where all that is expected of me is to lay still.
Good thing, Zen is a good thing, not the religion but the meditative practices. Last week when the trial protocol was being done I was deeply away from the table and it was good. This week I will go again to the universe.
Last journey God was showing me garden spots I had never seen before. Giiiiirrrlllll there is a lot more out there than any telescope will ever find. It is beauty, cold, stark beauty. Colors and eruptions of time and space, waves of energy and light to speed one along the way.
Ruby have you ever just let go of the self, the thing that anchors us to the earth and allow yourself to float free? This is the power of meditation, wait whats that you ask? How do I now that I am not just deep in my psyche rather than traveling the cosmos. Simple when you are there, you feel it as a physical sensation.
I never understood the detractors of this form of walking around. If the earth is here and one is able to sense things in the physical reality, then why not a similar physical reality? It is there why would there not be an engine within us to experience all that God created?
Ahh well everyone has there own practice regarding the meditative life. Some I have met could conjure up little blue balls of light, suspended between them. I know what I saw and after they confirmed it without a prompt from me. Others have made the universal tone sound to my ears. The OM, that was rather disconcerting and relaxing at the same time. Once I heard it though and wasn’t weirded out by it I became able to stop and pull it out of memory and rode it to the deep places.
Some can go no further than regulating their breath and relaxing. That is good, very good. It is true peace in the consciousness, but it is only a first 1/4 mile on the path they could zip down.
Personally I have always looked under the rocks for the knowledge I never learned in the little Catholic school I went to. I guess though that it was where I first started out on the Walking Way and it is to be given a nod for showing me how to question until I came to knowledge.
Although it was a truly dreadful place. *shrug* the dread back to them who caused it and peace to them who did not eh?
Well Darlin’ time to walk on. I think I may not write anything on the TWM blog today. Not feeling particularly authorish this morning. Maybe later eh?
One who never feels unauthorish, is the one who authors yours and my…
Peace
mark
May 9, 2008 at 2:47 am
Hi!
I do have more to say and I do want to respond to the love and care that has been given to me here in a very serious time in my life. I’ve been very sick since last week when they tried a new med on me and couldn’t eat for the last three days. I’ve also had some problems with pain in one of my wrists, up my arm and down the right side around my ribs.
I went to a neurologist who did some nasty elecrical and needle testing the other day and she seemed to think that I might have a pinched nerve in my elbow but wondered why they hadn’t done any x-rays of my neck etc. so she’ll be reporting to all my doctors in the next day or so - prolly advising them to send me for more x-rays.
I don’t wanna go, I don’t want any more x-rays, I don’t want to see any more doctors, I don’t like my doctors and when I went to the pain management clinic there was a problem with them mis-medicating me then blaming it on me and getting on my case for following their directions. The time before that they said about three or four times , “Geez, you look stoned!” No matter that it was an appt. at 7:45 am and we had to drive an hour to get there or that I’d only gotten three hours sleep.
I’m not feeling too peaceful today but I did want to say at least something - Mark, I’ve been leaning on you and I thank you for having such a strong shoulder.
Like I said, I want to, and shall, respond to the comments that you folks who care have left me. There are times I feel utterly alone and it’s hard to explain here but I just wanted to let y’all know I’m here, somewhat and I do read what you’ve said here.
I am committed to responding to each and every one of you….especially to Mark/TWM who has been my other rock and to my brother Reg who very much deserves a personal letter.
One last thing, Di - if you’d wanted to write to me you would have. I have too but don’t know what to say to anyone anymore. I’m just feeling very insecure in the world here at this time and in this space.
I do need to give my wrists, my emotions and my self some rest and to go to that place that Mark/TWM has intimated in some of his posts.
Peace, love and understanding - no matter what.
May 9, 2008 at 4:17 am
Hi! Back at ya babe!
It must be serendipity or synchronicity between us now, I say that because all of the pain management treatments I have undergone for the last 6 weeks has been for nerve damage, caused by the whiplash of the great catastrophe of ‘07. That was when an idiot with his head somewhere other than on the road decided that my trunk belonged in the back seat of the car.
That was 13 months ago Ruby. And during the last year I have had to fight with insurance company’s, DMV (I was almost charged in the accident even though I was standing still)which wanted to jerk MY license, and a teaming plethora of damn doctors, none of which had a clue.
Ruby walk away from that neurologist. Jaysus, the test you had was an EMG, and it measures nerve response down the arm, the numbers that result pin point exactly where the nerve is blocked. If that neurologist can’t read the result run away, run away.
Carpal Tunnel syndrome is one of the reasons they give this test. Carpal tunnel is when the nerve is pinched or blocked in the wrist, I don’t know what they call it in the elbow but it is the same effect with the same result. Pain, numbness and, tingling in the affected limb. How do I know you ask?
Simple really, between 1994 & 2002 I must have gone through ten of the EMG tests. Loooooooooove when they stick the 3 inch needle into the fat part of the palm. Ok that’s a lie, I hated it. Hurt like hell, but every time a doc was able to pinpoint the problem in the nerve. I also have similar arm pain from a restricted nerve.
There is a pill available in generic called Gabapantin the Trade name is Neurontin, this was originally developed as a drug for epileptics, but during the years doctors started prescribing it to diabetics with nerve atrophy. (that’s me) Eventually the FDA approved it for nerve pain use. It does work very well and is safe up to 3600mg per day. You can look it up on medlineplus.com.
Now that I finally was sent to an anesthesiologist (yep they are pain pro’s) for pain management, who actually knows what he’s doing, I get the needle.
A rather long one that the first two weeks is used to deliver a drop of steroid onto the facet joint nerve coming out of the neck, this is done once per week for two weeks and if the steroid kills the pain for 6 hours or so, then it is a nerve problem. The third week is a rizotomy (sp) where the nerve is hit with a pulse of heat or radio waves and this blocks the nerve for a period of time.
Personally I would try the neurontin first. Although the needles aren’t pleasant, and endurable, the pill is less invasive. But in any case you do not need more films, get the results of the EMG and take or send them to a REAL pain mgt. center (every hospital has one) and let them read the results.
I keep realizing that I know more anatomy regarding the nervous and skeletal system than I ever wanted to know. Experience is not always good heh? ha ha ha ha
Yeah dear, it is nerve pain that keeps me up twenty of twenty four hours a day. But to hell with it, I ain’t operating machinery so I say let the fatigue cause me to hallucinate. nyuk nyuk nyuk it’s cheaper and better than LSD.
Enough medical talk though, it makes me feel like a geezer when I go on about conditions, syndromes and the like. You’d thing that at 53 I would have better things to think on eh? Like writing.
I did drop a new piece on the ol’ blog yesterday. Knocked it out under the pressure of having to pee, and time to get ready for the doctors ride. Funny how the things I write that peeps seem to like the most are the pieces that I simply bang out and then verse in my own crazy way. *shrug* as long as someone reads it and it speaks to them I am satisfied.
I have a feeling of ennui this morning, I have been sitting here since 9pm last night and simply not interested in doing much later today. The words will be there when I want them. I just don’t feel the same need to rush anymore. I know I can write and write and write some more, so why rush it eh?
Hell this nerve block might kick in today and I may get some sleep. Now that would be something different.
I still have the music train bouncing between stations. It is a good thing I let it play all the way through the list though, now when it randomizes it picks tracks it never used to. Right now its (ha ha ha ha ha) The Cure with Robert Smith singing. I don’t know why I like this band but I do, they really seem to focus on the negative side of humanity. But it is better than Christian Rock (shudder).
If you’ve never heard them (I bet you have) think “Letter to Elise,” “Friday I’m in Love,” “Pictures of You” and my favorite, “Kiss Kiss Kiss.”
But as they fade away from the earphones I say thank You again, for letting me hang out here as the train passes through. This is a good and convenient resting spot.
Great Peace Ruby
Love You
mark
June 23, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Darling Ruby…
Rest is for the weary, and you are weary, and must rest.
Sleep, dream until your dreams carry you on wisps of white clouds high above everything. Let the angels sing you to sleep.
Take care, dear one.
Love, hugs, peace, sleep, rest, respite, angels, friendhsip…